When life suck people tend to create illusion zones, where they feel safe. Sometimes they lead a double life – one in reality and the other one that happens only in their heads. Why this is not a great idea and why it doesn’t help to reduce ‘suckiness’? Because running into fantasies when life doesn’t work out is not the solution.
Did you noticed how often we put dreams aside, for later? For distant time when we will be ready – and this could mean anything – time when we’ll be perfect, less fat, or less busy. So we are waiting. But usually we are not becoming perfect 55 kg creatures with lots of spare time. Same, our dreams get dusty, and then we forget about them. Or worse – we transfer them to an imaginary sphere of fantasy. A place where nothing happens for real.
I have a friend who dreamed of becoming animator. He studied hard and got better and better every year. Some of his college tutors worked for amazing animation company – I mean really amazing – one of those guys you can see at Oscars Awards. As they knew him well, cause he also worked part time in a market beside their office, they offered him a possibility to join them – first as a trainee of course. Do you know what’s happened? He decided that he was not ready yet, because to join them he had to feel that he is perfect – otherwise they could see that he sucks. He abstained. It happened quite a few years ago and he never had a similar opportunity again. The lesson here? First – that some occasions happens only once in a lifetime. Second – never wait to be perfect – you won’t be anyway! Waiting to become perfect hold you back from whatever you want to achieve. Instead, just go out there, make mistakes, learn, gain experience and work hard – this is how the path to success is paved.
Another thing that cuts our wings is that we are not commit to our goals 100%. We think that we dream big, but in fact we remain in our safe zone. We dream halfway, as if afraid of it. If you think seriously about your life and your goals you need to answer one question:
How bad you want it?
Are you ready to sacrifice your time and comfort to achieve it? Are you ready to loose something to get the thing you want? Do you want it so bad that you will agree to work hard while you could simply watch Dark on Netflix, or go out with your friends to this new fancy craft beer place? It is your choice, but keep in mind that sometimes success is about cutting back on pleasure in the present moment.
Psychologists and coaches talking about deferred gratification and it seems to me that ability to delay reward/pleasure is a key here. Without self-control and self-discipline, our dreams are houses of cards.
(More about self-discipline you can read here: https://wholeworldinmyhead.com/2020/08/25/how-to-stop-struggle-with-self-discipline/)
And I know how hard is to seat at the desk to work on your dream project while you’re tired as hell because you just back from your 8-hours shift in the office. I know that when you back home and see cozy armchair, soft blanket, favorite book beside, scented candle on the windowsill, cabinet filled with flavored tea you don’t wanna go out for a jogging, even if you promised to yourself that you will lose this jelly like substance coating your thighs. And I know that it seems almost impossible to grab that language manual just like you planned it, because in a fact you don’t need to know that fucking German to watch those tempting you tube tutorials on how to build bird houses. Or how to replant flowers. Or trees. Trust me – all these are more exiting than learning German.
If you tend to lose your motivation, simply feed it! Get a journal and write everyday about all your dreams, even those crazy ones, that seem unattainable. Make a list of your dreams, read them over and over again and reflect on them – let your mind soak through it! Hang some inspirational pictures and quotes on your wall, in your wardrobe, even on your bathroom mirror – let everything around remind you about what you standing for. Meditate and visualize your goals everyday – remember that everything in your life starts in your mind.
You become better only by doing things, not by waiting for them to happen
Better doesn’t mean perfect. Your life doesn’t need to be perfect so you can feel joy, fulfillment and excitement. Success is not a finished thing, but the whole road that leads to it. What defines your success should not be based on what you have, but on the actions taken. Sometimes you may feel totally unprepared, but take action anyway. Start acting before you feel ready – the rest will follow. If you expect the best, it flows to you.
When I opened my small natural skincare company I had no freaking idea how should I do it. But I had that concept I loved and I’ve done it anyway – it was total improvisation, but it worked at the end! Same with this blog – as English is not my first language I worried a bit it would be hard. Of course I could spend a countless time on improving my grammar skills and wait for become better at it – and you know what? Probably I would never write a single word here. I said to myself fuck it, I’ll do it anyway! And this is how most of great things on this world works – if you don’t know how to do it, don’t wait – improvise!