You can become more happy by learning how to listen to yourself

Do you sometimes feel like you are losing yourself, that you are missing something? I think that each of us has such feelings. These days we have so many paths to choose from that it’s easy to get lost. To feel good in life, and on the spot, we need to know what we really want and whether our desires are ours. Because we often follow imposed patterns unconsciously or imitate others, unaware of ourselves.

Do you really know what is important to you?

If you already know your values, that’s great. If you live according to them, you follow them every day, that’s amazing. But what if you are confused about all those things that matter? What if you feel that in some way you are pretending to be someone you are not? What if you have a problem with finding not only a big purpose, but simple joy in everyday life?

Don’t panic because even if you feel that you are not in the right place right now, you can always take a few steps that will help you learn how to enjoy life more. First, you have to start to listen to yourself.

How to get to know yourself?

Stop and listen. Hear that voice inside of you that is calling. What does it say? Does it tell you to find more peace and serenity? Does it tell you to stop doing something, stop seeing someone? Or maybe it says that you should do more? Listen very carefully, because every one of us has this inner voice.

There are few simple (but not easy) questions that you can answer to better know yourself.

Ready for reflection time? So grab a pen and paper.

1.What makes you happy and what makes you tired or stressed?

Think about all the activities in your life, and pick those which bring you joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment. Make a list of things that you like to do. Make another one of those you dislike. Don’t only think about it, write it down, so this exercise will do best for you. For example, high on my joy list is reading, writing, and creating – hence it’s not surprising that the right path for me is to be a writer.

2. How you feel in the roles you play?

We all have many roles to play in life. What are yours? Being a parent, friend, lover, employee or maybe a boss, entrepreneur? How you feel about them? In which of them you feel like the real you, which one are fake? Which of these roles have you chosen yourself and which have been imposed?

3. What you lacking most?

What do you need to feel the fullness of life? More love, friendship, or maybe recognition and respect? Or do you lack free time or material things? What can you do to get it?

4. What lies behind your lifestyle?

What does your lifestyle say about you? Take a moment to look at yourself as a stranger – what is your life like from a distance? Is it chaotic or organized? Are you successful, or are you plunged into failure or hopelessness? Are you healthy and in good shape? Can you take responsibility? Are you spending too much money? Do you have addictions? Are you doing something creative, meaningful? Do you have a hobby, people around you who love you, and who you love? Do you have a goal?

Do you live for yourself or to impress others? Think about what kind of fashions you succumb to. What do you want to achieve by this (do you want to feel like someone better, or maybe you want to be like others, or you want to be accepted by others?)

5. Who do you admire most?

Think of all the people you admire. What do you value in them? What are the qualities and character traits that you would like to have too? Is there something you can learn from them?

Then think about the one you envy. Don’t be ashamed of it. Sometimes this feeling touches everyone. Jealousy shows us what we lack and what we would like to have for ourselves.

Find rituals that might help you hearing and understanding yourself

If you want to listen to yourself more, introduce rituals into your everyday life that help you. Set aside time for silence and mindful moments. Write down your thoughts and start keeping a diary of your feelings. Turn your focus inwards. Meditate, meditate, meditate – there’s no better way to get inside yourself.

And once you’re there, you’ll start to achieve a balance. You’ll find yourself more positive, and you’ll be aware of the state of mind you are in, same you will be able to change whatever blocks you. Even if you think that changing your mental state or beliefs is a torment, remember: everything is doable.

Photo by Erriko Boccia on Unsplash


  1. I love how actionable this exercise is. I never once stopped to ask myself what am I envious of. So that was pretty awakening.

    I love the lay out of this article, it is so aesthetically pleasing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much 🙂

      I’ve learnt myself, that feeling jealous from time to time is natural for everyone, and should be treated like a ‘guidepost’. Same as every other emotion we experince.

      Liked by 1 person

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