All posts by Yaga

A literary writer with a background in journalism, PR, philology studies and psychology. I was also teaching for a short while, but to be honest, I prefer cats than kids. Illustrator, herbalist, brand founder and entrepreneur, misanthrope, creepy stuff enthusiast.

Having addicted mind is like being trapped in self created illusions

According to World Health Organization around 31 million people have drug use disorders. Harmful use of alcohol results in 3.3 million deaths each year, and it causes more than 5% of the global disease burden. These are bare facts. The thought? What the hell is wrong with us, that we do it to ourselves – committing a veiled, stretched over time suicide?

The image of addiction we have is twofold and depends on the context – on the one hand we see a tramp, and on the other, the tragedy of an addicted ‘great man’. We despise the drunkard, and we sympathize with the great addicted man. His drinking is somehow “better”, even sanctified in a way. Yet it’s the same addiction.

When I was a teenage girl we all were full of rebel and urge for an infinite freedom, which sense we actually didn’t understand. We raised our eyes towards Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain and many long haired screamers from heavy metal bands, who replaced gods for us. We read Blake, Ginsberg and Keourac, thinking that we are the next great generation like them, the beatniks of 90’s. We skipped classes, drank cheap wine and smoked pot. We ‘expanded our awareness’ by reaching for heavier drugs. That was our ‘fuck you world’ religion. And we thought we were the smartest in the world.

In fact, we were just a bunch of lost young people unable to cope with themselves. Trapped into myths, overwhelmed by our own fears, sorrows and weaknesses. No one taught us how to deal with them. Reaching for stimulants made everything easier. Especially when we’ve seen those we admired would do the same.

The cult of intoxication is old, and its correlation with artistry and the avant-garde has always been strong. Have you ever wonder how Baudelaire’s ‘Artificial Paradises’ was created?

I can’t escape the impression that addictions, in a way, are glorified by our society. There’s so many biographies of great people that are build upon this fatal base. A story with a tragic background sells better.

There is nothing like an artist bending under the pain of reality. A brilliant creature who can only deal with himself through drugs and loses – world can only regret a lost genius. So moving and romantic, Right? Wrong. It’s total bullshit.

When we gaze at drunken idols, we see only the splendor of fame. We don’t see them hungover or be in a bad mood and sleeping all day. Or puking, stinging, gibberishing, smelly from not washing themselves. It’s hidden behind a veil of a ‘tragedy’. But we don’t need more tragic idols. It’s time to disenchant addiction.

Of course there is no rule here – there are people more and less susceptible to addiction. I’d say those more vulnerable or lost in their reality fall first. Those who carry a great void within themselves. How long does it take for them to understand that this hole cannot even be flooded with an ocean of alcohol? Sometimes whole life. Sometimes never.

Long time ago I had a friend who was type of a guy everyone wanted to hang out with. Super cool in every aspect of his nailing existence – from long hair and a leather jacket to the twisted poems he wrote while on high. I remember once we were sitting at the edge of the park, it must have been in the late 90’s. Drinking wine, smoking cigarettes, talking. Beautiful moment, one of those which would happened so often when you’re 15 and you had that feeling that everything can happen in your life. That absolutely everything was possible. Listening to The Doors and Janis, we missed times we never got to know. We didn’t give a shit about school, parents and the world. We wanted to live like them, listen to music, lie in the meadow, smoke weed and sleep under the stars.

Jack died at the age of 40 five years ago. Cirrhosis. We didn’t keep in touch, but when I’ve seen him for the last time he was a destroyed human wreckage. He stopped writing poems, but unfortunately continued on cheap wine and god knows what else. He was nothing like Jim Morrison. He was more like those people who gather at railway stations to collect some money for drugs. Hope he’s having amazing Woodstock now, wherever he is.

I’m only in my middle 30s, but I have several friends at similar age who passed away because drug overdose or drinking. Why this is happening to us, aren’t we thinking creatures?

We can explain a lot by psychology. Studies show that we are directed by many processes happening in our subconscious mind. In the case of an addicted mind we’re dealing with rationalization, projection (projecting their own problems into someone else) and repression.

The addict’s logic is twisted. It makes them not see things as they are. Gives them ability to explain away their behavior by denial and cognitive dissonance (holding two or more contradictory beliefs). I have focused on this issue deeper here: https://wholeworldinmyhead.com/2020/05/19/dealing-with-an-addicted-mind/

Addiction mechanisms make us slide slowly, lose our sense of self while we spiraleing deeper into void. It’s unbelievable how addicts are good at creating a reality where their destructive behavior is never the fault of the substance they overuse.

Would it be easier to deal with an addiction if we did not reach for stimulants so thoughtlessly? I don’t know the answer for that question. What I know for sure is that there are many myths about this that need to be faced.

Don’t wait too long for the perfect life

When life suck people tend to create illusion zones, where they feel safe. Sometimes they lead a double life – one in reality and the other one that happens only in their heads. Why this is not a great idea and why it doesn’t help to reduce ‘suckiness’? Because running into fantasies when life doesn’t work out is not the solution.

Did you noticed how often we put dreams aside, for later? For distant time when we will be ready – and this could mean anything – time when we’ll be perfect, less fat, or less busy. So we are waiting. But usually we are not becoming perfect 55 kg creatures with lots of spare time. Same, our dreams get dusty, and then we forget about them. Or worse – we transfer them to an imaginary sphere of fantasy. A place where nothing happens for real.

I have a friend who dreamed of becoming animator. He studied hard and got better and better every year. Some of his college tutors worked for amazing animation company – I mean really amazing – one of those guys you can see at Oscars Awards. As they knew him well, cause he also worked part time in a market beside their office, they offered him a possibility to join them – first as a trainee of course. Do you know what’s happened? He decided that he was not ready yet, because to join them he had to feel that he is perfect – otherwise they could see that he sucks. He abstained. It happened quite a few years ago and he never had a similar opportunity again. The lesson here? First – that some occasions happens only once in a lifetime. Second – never wait to be perfect – you won’t be anyway! Waiting to become perfect hold you back from whatever you want to achieve. Instead, just go out there, make mistakes, learn, gain experience and work hard – this is how the path to success is paved.

Another thing that cuts our wings is that we are not commit to our goals 100%. We think that we dream big, but in fact we remain in our safe zone. We dream halfway, as if afraid of it. If you think seriously about your life and your goals you need to answer one question:

How bad you want it?

Are you ready to sacrifice your time and comfort to achieve it? Are you ready to loose something to get the thing you want? Do you want it so bad that you will agree to work hard while you could simply watch Dark on Netflix, or go out with your friends to this new fancy craft beer place? It is your choice, but keep in mind that sometimes success is about cutting back on pleasure in the present moment.

Psychologists and coaches talking about deferred gratification and it seems to me that ability to delay reward/pleasure is a key here. Without self-control and self-discipline, our dreams are houses of cards.

(More about self-discipline you can read here: https://wholeworldinmyhead.com/2020/08/25/how-to-stop-struggle-with-self-discipline/)

And I know how hard is to seat at the desk to work on your dream project while you’re tired as hell because you just back from your 8-hours shift in the office. I know that when you back home and see cozy armchair, soft blanket, favorite book beside, scented candle on the windowsill, cabinet filled with flavored tea you don’t wanna go out for a jogging, even if you promised to yourself that you will lose this jelly like substance coating your thighs. And I know that it seems almost impossible to grab that language manual just like you planned it, because in a fact you don’t need to know that fucking German to watch those tempting you tube tutorials on how to build bird houses. Or how to replant flowers. Or trees. Trust me – all these are more exiting than learning German.

If you tend to lose your motivation, simply feed it! Get a journal and write everyday about all your dreams, even those crazy ones, that seem unattainable. Make a list of your dreams, read them over and over again and reflect on them – let your mind soak through it! Hang some inspirational pictures and quotes on your wall, in your wardrobe, even on your bathroom mirror – let everything around remind you about what you standing for. Meditate and visualize your goals everyday – remember that everything in your life starts in your mind.

You become better only by doing things, not by waiting for them to happen

Better doesn’t mean perfect. Your life doesn’t need to be perfect so you can feel joy, fulfillment and excitement. Success is not a finished thing, but the whole road that leads to it. What defines your success should not be based on what you have, but on the actions taken. Sometimes you may feel totally unprepared, but take action anyway. Start acting before you feel ready – the rest will follow. If you expect the best, it flows to you.

When I opened my small natural skincare company I had no freaking idea how should I do it. But I had that concept I loved and I’ve done it anyway – it was total improvisation, but it worked at the end! Same with this blog – as English is not my first language I worried a bit it would be hard. Of course I could spend a countless time on improving my grammar skills and wait for become better at it – and you know what? Probably I would never write a single word here. I said to myself fuck it, I’ll do it anyway! And this is how most of great things on this world works – if you don’t know how to do it, don’t wait – improvise!

Intelligent heart and coherence

Have you ever wondered what was the biggest breakthroughs of modern science? Do you think that was the discovery of planets from outside the solar system, dark energy, nanocircuits, or maybe quantum machine? There are certainly many impressive findings we have heard of. But what about the discovery, which not everyone has heard, but which turned our world upside down a little? Because the revelation of neuronal cells in the heart certainly mixed up a little on our approach to us as a human species. Wanna know why? Keep reading, but I’m warning you – it might blow up your mind.

Neurocardiology and the brain-heart connection

Not so long ago, in 1991, dr J. Andrew Armour published Neurocardiology. In this book, he proved that the heart has a complex nervous system consist of 40 000 nerve cells. Four years later dr Ming He-Huang discovered that these cells are identical to those found in the brain. What does it mean? This is the point that all of this start to be very interesting. Simply, the heart and brain have electromagnetic communication and send information to each other. And the heart has its own memory! But this is not everything. The heart sends much more information to the brain than the brain to the heart, also can ignore some information flowing from the brain and make its own decision. It looks like the heart has its own intelligence.

Heart is the organ that receives, sends and processes information received by brain

Many cases have documented people who started behaving differently after heart transplantation. It turns out that heart is a ‚storage’ for some information, and they can affect a person who received a new heart.

There are many amazing stories associated with the change in some aspects of the human personality after transplantation. There was a case of a homosexual woman, carnivore, who suddenly started date man and stopped eat meat. I don’t have to tell you that transplanted heart belonged to heterosexual vegetarian girl? Same happens to a man who received a heart of a man who committed suicide. Not only he married a widow (they felt in love right after they’ve met) but similarly ended his life. There was also an astounding case of a teenager whose new heart belonged to the murdered girl. The new heart owner began to have nightmares – based on a memory portrait the murderer of the heart donor was captured. It was a face from the teenager’s dreams.

Where does the soul live? Neuroscience confirms what the ancients believed

We have always been looking for the soul habitat, the immaterial element or, in other words, divine energy in the human body. Lucretius, ancient Roman philosopher and poet, as one of the first, put a soul in the heart. Also, the ancient Greeks believed that the soul lives in the heart. In Ancient Egypt, heart was not only the home of the soul but also a habitat of emotions and will. According to Hindu beliefs, the heart enabled contact with Brahman (Absolute) and was the seat of his opposition to Atman (self/ego). Ancient Buddhists and Aztecs also placed feelings and intellect the hearts.

How did they know what we had learned relatively recently? (And for what we needed complicated tools and vast knowledge, which we reached for centuries).

It’s amazing how much wisdom lies in ancient beliefs. Today we use science to discover the same things that were explained to the ancients through the prism of spirituality. Maybe it’s worth drawing from both sources?

Hearth-brain coherence

As research shows our health and life is affected by whether there is harmony between the heart and the brain. A coherence, state of optimal functioning. The heart generates the largest in the human body rhythmic magnetic field and this field can be measured. Coherence is a smooth, sine-wave-like pattern in the heart rate variability trace. All comes down to the emotions we experience – they directly affect our heart rhythm pattern. Every emotion sends a very different signal throughout our body and this is why it’s so important to learn control what we feel. Stress, anger, sadness, jealousy destroy harmony and lead to disturbances in the functioning of the body. Positive emotions strengthen coherence, lead us on the path of harmony.

Does this remind you of some Buddhist truths? After all, the right emotions are part of the Noble Eightfold Path.

An emotional shift is a key element of the techniques which allow us to create harmony between mind and body. And since we know about this amazing, electromagnetic ‚messenger’ that our brain and heart use, we can understand it on a deeper level. For the starter, we need to learn how to generate positive emotions within ourselves. Even if it seems impossible for some, we can trigger our emotional state whenever we want. All comes down to practice.

So how to shift emotional state?

Meditation and practising gratitude will be helpful here. First, you need to find that peaceful place within yourself. If you cannot find it, create it. Visualize, let imagination and good memories help. Once you have that safe place you can always back to it whenever you feel endangered.

Keep in mind all things you are grateful for. Do you think you have too little? I can tell you that there is someone out there who is happy having less than you have.

Practice awareness. Whenever you start to feel negative emotions, press the ‚cancel key’. Correct any unpleasant thoughts with positive thoughts. Keep doing this until you feel better.

To change your emotional state you can also adjust your body posture. As you know everything is connected, hence your body posture affects how you feel in the same way how your feeling affects your body posture. Not bad at all.

Once you master these basics, you will be able to evoke positive emotions on demand. And all because we are such great machine that we can program ourselves! All you need is already inside you.

More about emotions and energy they create you can find in one of my earlier pieces here https://wholeworldinmyhead.com/2020/06/04/can-understanding-quantum-physics-help-you-create-your-dream-life/.

Photos by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash , David Matos on Unsplash

Trapped mind: quite different addictions

IF YOU ASK ME WHAT THREATENS OUR DEVELOPMENT THE MOST, I WOULD TELL YOU WITHOUT BLINKING. THE TRAPS OUR MIND CAN GET CAUGHT IN. AND THERE ARE MANY OF THEM SET UP: ANXIETY, DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS, DEPRESSION, OCD, PHOBIAS, PSYCHOSIS, MANIA AND THE BIG ONE – ADDICTIONS – DOUBLY DEVIOUS BECAUSE THEY CAN APPLY NOT ONLY TO SUBSTANCES.

Another kind of high – brain on an emotional boost

The mechanism of any addiction remains same no matter what is the substance. And what interesting, it is still same, if there is no substance at all. Well, not in a physical form.

Every addiction causes specific reactions in the brain and is associated with impaired function of neurotransmitters and hormones, mainly in the structures of the reward system. Simply speaking, even if you don’t supply the brain with a specific substance, such as a drug, brain can still make it. All you need is the right stimulus. In this case, we can talk about behavioural addiction. Gambling, sex, internet, food and even falling in love – it can all be related to our internal emotional catastrophe. 

Much of addiction issues I’ve touched on already here: Dealing with an addicted mind. As this is very personal topic to me, I’d like go deeper into in areas which are less talked about.

Erotomania is not only sex addiction. Its variation is the ailment of being addicted to being in love. This is where a person needs that specific kick of pleasure – dopamine secreted by the brain – which equates to being high. Think, when you are falling in love you feel that an amazing inflow of pleasure and ecstasy. In a healthy mind, this evolves into a deeper feeling or simply disappears. For some, there is that the irresistible need to re-trigger it. And here we have a problem.

The phenomenon of sex addiction we refer to people who need closeness very much and are just as afraid of it, so they meet their needs by entering into relationships with the body of another person, and not with the ‘whole’ person. A quite different variation is the addiction to emotions that occur when falling in love.

behavioral addictions can be as toxic as those of substances such as alcohol or drugs

Toxic passion

Why is the mind so vulnerable to all these pitfalls? It all comes down to this big, empty hole that we carry within us. Some trying to feel it by overusing alcohol or drugs, some by food, self-harm or uncontrolled shopping, and others trying to fix it with compulsive falling in love. As it might seem innocent, can lead to serious complications in various areas of life.

Firstly, it is difficult for a person with such a problem to build a solid, valuable relationship. Because if something begins to fail, she ( I use this pronoun, as this issue is most common among women) runs away and falls in love elsewhere. Here, the partner is not the most important – it’s addictive emotions that take over. Secondly, the person is susceptible to becoming obsessed. And this can be very damaging to mental health.

Love obsession is also an addiction that brings inability to focus on other areas of life besides the obsession object. We are missing something, and we think that only thanks to the other person we can become complete. And, I know – who read in the nineteenth-century literature may perceive it as something very romantic. But trust me on this – it is essentially unhealthy and destructive. Remeber, even Werter shot himself in the head!;)

Quick fix for the broken soul

Compulsive behavior is one that gives us emotional satisfaction. Is an easy, but ineffective way to deal with what bothers us. It’s like sticking a broken vase with adhesive tape – it seems to stick, but when you pour water into it and put flowers, it will fall apart immediately. For any emotional disorders, there is only one way – working on emotions.

Ways to reconnect with your emotions

When we lose contact with ourselves, we also lose control over our lives. To recover it, we can take steps that will allow to connect with what is happening inside us. Some of the effective techniques to help reconnect with emotions are:

  • Meditation – silencing the mind and putting it in an alpha wave state – you can start with a few minutes a day and gradually deepen your practice. Meditation is about clearing the mind of thoughts and focusing simply on ‘being’.
  • Mindfulness – practicing being here and now – focus on everything that is inside and around you, contemplate reality, see what is happening in your body – what you feel and how you experience it: smells, flavors, sounds, colors, touch …
  • Journaling – make contact with yourself by keeping a diary of feelings – do not focus on the form, just write what you feel, what you think – pour on paper everything that sits in your heart and head. Is a great way to cleanse yourself of overwhelming emotions, as well as to awaken creativity.
  • Exam yourself – as you might think you know yourself very well, there might be parts of you that you’re not aware of. Or parts of you that have changed over the years. Commit to a journey of self-discovery. Make list of questions and answer them. Write it down and come back to it in some time. You can make a list of things you love to do. Things you hate, things that makes you nervous, things that scares you, excite you, amuse you. Play with it!
  • Name what you feel – sometimes it’s not easy to recognize what we feel. Even if you struggle to define your own feeling and emotions, try to name them. If you are unsure what are you feeling make up a name for it. As example- jealove can be a feeling towards a friend you admire, but you also envy him a little. You can create your own personal dictionary of feeling and it could be a fun!

Problem of emotional addiction is not black and white. If you feel that somehow it may affect you, you should look closer at yourself. Even if it touches you slightly, you can still be exposed to its toxic effects. No better way to deal with it, as learning to recognize everything that takes place within you.

/main photo by Nick Fewins on Unsplash/ Photo by Marc Schaefer on Unsplash/

Prioritizing sleep is the best self care

I’m sure many of us get trapped in vicious circle of ‘pursuit of success’ (whatever success mean to you). I notice that recently productivity is so trendy that there is no better answer than “busy”, if someone ask how are you? There would be nothing wrong with it, if not for the fact that by imposing too many things we are really moving away from what we want to achieve. When we can’t keep up with everything, we try to save time somewhere. Usually by cutting sleep. Same, we pay a high price, because lack of sleep is a grave sin.

According to National Institue of Neurological Disorders and Stroke quality sleep is as essential to survival as food and water. Therefore it’s really frightening that so many of us underestimate its salutary influence on the quality of life.

Are you in sleep debt?

Do you happen to not sleep enough few nights in a row, and sleep off over the weekend? Do you sometimes get an hour or two out of your sleep pool to finish something or watch something late at night? If so, I have bad news for you. Lost sleep cannot be simply made up. This debt – accumulation of lack of sleep from sleepless nights – is difficult to pay back. And it’s something more than a fatigue and difficulty concentrating. Why is it so?

First of all, we can’t just get the body accustomed to sleeping less. Even if you think that you are totally fine with your 5-hours sleep night, you may not be aware that you have a debt of sleep. It manifests itself in disordered metabolism of sugars and glucose and the beginning of any negative changes in the body.

The impact of sleep on our lives is multifaceted. Sleep is primarily a time to regenerate brain function. It also affects almost every type of tissue and system in the body.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

With insufficient sleep, our body cannot function normally.

Lack of sleep disturbs certain biological mechanisms. I am talking about functioning of the immune and nervous systems and the operation of long-term memory.

You must sleep to work efficiently

According to Jerome Siegel, from University of California, evolutionary roots of sleep go much deeper. In his research he points out that sleep is primarily to increase the body’s energy efficiency, as well as to optimize time and strength. Due to the fact that we sleep, we are able to use the active phases of life more effectively.

Skimping on sleep can make more damage than we can imagine. Studies shows that the group of effects related to lack of sleep include: increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, obesity, loosing brain tissue, decrease in concentration and creativity, anxiety and depression.

Do you see how huge this is?

You can’t miss the connection from poor sleep with anxiety disorders especially in the Western world.

What happens when your brain does not sleep?

Quoting Mark Rosekind “Every aspect of who you are as a human, every capability is degraded, impaired, when you lose sleep. What does that mean? Your decision-making, reaction time, situational awareness, memory, communication, and those things go down by 20% to 50%.”

But wait, there’s more. On the top of that we can add distraction, brain spasm and brain damage, memory loss, creation of false memories, anger, neurosis, impaired wit, hallucinations.

By now you have realized that proper amount of sleep is vital to lead a healthy and fulfilled life. We cannot live up to our full potential if this area is somehow disturbed.

The importance of sleep in motivation and productivity is undeniable. Sleep is a very important thing on the road to success. But that’s not all, because in addition to sleeping, dreams are also significant.

Bare with me now, so I can lift the veil for you.

What's happening in our dreams can give us tips on important issues in life
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

Sleep and dreaming improves the ability to accurately analyze the situation and solve problems. It’s boosting creativity. This is illustrated by research done by prof. Robert Stickgold from Harvard Medical School. He woke up during the REM phase of sleep and asked them to provide associations connecting two words. He asked the same thing students who remained fully aware. It turned out that the first group gave less obvious and original associations. And according to him this is creativity in its pure form.

It is worth watching what we dream of because dreams are closely linked to what is happening in our lives.

According to Professor Mark Blagrove, the function of dreams is to alleviate the strong emotions we experience while awake and to train before events that may occur.

You can see more in dreams

Dreams draw our attention to what we may not see. Hidden fears, needs we are ashamed of – it can be anything.

Jung discovered that dreams reveal the cause of our disharmony and emotional anxiety, reveal hidden potential and brings a creative solution to everyday problems.

Dreams are the way to subconscious

Dreams often show what we do not allow into consciousness and satisfy the desires we suppress. By looking at our dreams we can understand ourselves on a deeper level.

It’s a good idea to keep a dream diary that you can analyze. If you are struggling with any problems this way will definitely prove helpful in solving them. Moreover, knowing that the subconscious is really ruling us, it is worth following what is going on in it.

The messages that dreams bring are needed for our development. We often dream about what we lack and what we need, and realizing this makes our path to fulfillment much easier.

Prioritizing sleep is the best you can give yourself

All this shows us how dangerous it is to neglect the sphere of sleep. Isn’t it great that such a simple and pleasant thing can have a significant impact on our lives? So sleep tight and hope your dreams come true! (only the good ones )

Good life is about achieve right perspective

Your current life is the sum of your decisions once made. Whatever they were – right or wrong – if you made other decisions, your life would look completely different now. You can think about it in butterfly effect categories.

Every action taken leads to some effects, and the same applies to actions you never took.

Your day consists of 86400 seconds. Each separately may not mean much, but put together they create your decisions, successes, memories – your whole life. So stop underestimating your time. This is the most precious thing you have.

All your life depending on one decision – what you decide to do with the time you have.

So how to make the right choices?

You really thought I was going to tell you that? No, there’s no right answer here. There is only one thing you can be sure – your actions matter. Because you become what you do. Take action even if you are not sure what to do. Take action, even if it requires extra-human effort. Take action even if you will change your mind after some time. Your life quality depends on it.

There’s a bunch of people out there who never did anything because they were paralyzed by fear, uncertainty and perfectionism. At the end of the day, they don’t feel that fear anymore, they are sure that nothing bad will happen to them and they don’t need to be afraid of being imperfect – because they did not do anything! They gained nothing but an illusory sense of comfort that doesn’t lead to anything. If you want your life to be like a beautiful dream fuck that all and let yourself to feel that fear, let yourself to be imperfect! In the process of creating a big life, it will not have any meaning!

Comfort zone is a bitch

Things you could do doesn’t matter. What matters is what you really did. Trust me, I’ve been myself in that dreamland where are so many possibilities ( talents, occasions), but because of some mean higher power (perfectionism, fear of being judged, impostor syndrome – you name it), nothing ever happens.

Waiting for things to be perfect is like waiting for a last episode of those long TV series. It just never happens!

Whatever is the thing you want to do, but you’re afraid, start – even despite yourself. Then somehow it will go. If you’re terrified about all things that might go wrong, think about the worst-case scenario. Then imagine that it really happens. And how are you feeling about it? Not so great, but you’re still alive and the world did not end. So is it really worth wasting energy on worrying?

Image by Gerd Altman from Pixabay

Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do

Each of us has a set of features that distinguish him from others. Many factors contribute to success – mindset, personality, talents or the right moment. Not everyone can become a new Elon Musk, but anyone can become someone. If you are focused on what you lack, like money, acquaintances, a super-efficient body, or mathematical genius, you’ll never leave this vicious circle called „I can’t”. Instead of tormenting yourself with what you do not have, or cannot do, think about what you can do.

You can always be a better version of yourself. Don’t compare your life with people who succeed – everyone has a different background and things are different for each one. Do what you can do in the situation you are in now.

Value your time and energy

Think about the time and energy you have like you think about money. You don’t waste them on things you don’t need, you don’t give them away to anyone who asks for it, and usually, you plan to spend it, right? So why don’t you treat your time and energy in the same way?

When you wake up every day you have a certain amount of time and energy to dispose of. Don’t waste it. Don’t do things that lead nowhere. If you know what you want to achieve focus on it. Don’t get distracted by things you don’t feel like doing, but it’s hard for you to refuse. This applies to things and people. Sometimes, on a way to your dream life, you’ll learn that the most useful word is NO.

Because you will have to say ‚no’ to everything that takes you away from your goal.

Writing a book r

Can understanding quantum physics help you create your dream life?

However strange the title may seem, there are things in this world that just blow the mind. Even if you think that all theories that go beyond the standard understanding of the world are nothing more than urban voodoo, it is worth getting acquainted with them. The more that many of them draw from science. In the case of quantum physics, this science is not fully understood even by the scientists themselves.

Let’s cover the basics. Quantum physics is a theory describing the world in a different way than a classic physics. It describes a world that cannot be imagined, and only mathematics provides access to it. Interesting and bit scary, right? Don’t worry, even if you are not a mathematical genius, you can still absorb a fraction of this knowledge. This fundamental theory in physics describes physical properties of nature on an atomic scale. Foundations of quantum mechanics were established during the first half of the 20th century by Albert Einstein, Max Planx and Niehls Bohr among many others.

Fundamentals of quantum physics and observer awareness.

The first definition of QP is that space defines matter . In this context in Planck’s space (where quantities such as energy, angular momentum, etc., which we use to describe various objects, in particular elementary particles such as electrons or photons, are discrete) matter is anomaly and for this anomaly to arise the need for a conscious observer. It becomes real, the future begins to clear in front of observer eyes and becomes reality.

To understand it on deeper level we need to know more about construction of atom. Atoms are composed of a nucleus and one or more electrons bound to the nucleus. The nucleus is made of one or more protons and a number of neutrons. Protons and neutrons consist of so-called quarks and they are characterized by specific behavior in space.

eia.gov

All the information we are able to gather in the 4D world describes phenomena in this world and do not go beyond the area seen by the Hubble telescope. Possibly, in this 4D world different physics apply than in ours.

But what does it means for us? Simply, that we are living in energetic ‘suspension’, in an infinite amount of energy. Quarks vibrate in Planck spaces, with the right frequency. And this in turn means that our body is tuned to a certain frequency. I think you can see where it leads us to?

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe,

think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

-Nikola Tesla

Quantum Entanglement

This concept describes the relationship between two bodies that interact or entangle with each other and quantum state of each particle of the pair or group cannot be described independently of the state of the others. Hence, we make a conclusion that our unique perception creates our reality.

As you can see we are dealing here with frequency, energy and perception. Those are forces you need to become aware of. Understanding them gives you ability to create your life and your reality in the way you want.

Quantum physics is probably the most complicated branch of modern science, so as a total amateur I don’t even want to try to go further. Everything I wrote above is just a small piece that will allow us to have a general idea. Especially about energy.

To put it simply – everything is energy and everything vibrates at different frequencies. Thoughts and emotions are energy too, and they also vibrate at the right frequencies. Vibration attracts vibration. Can you see how smoothly we have moved from quantum physics to the law of attraction?

So how to create dream reality using energy and law of attraction? Manifest it!

Everything starts with a thought. Imagination and emotions play other roles in this show. Then you need to trust, believe it and let it go. Leave your intention in a hands of Universe, or in a in the infinite quantum field.

Think of what you want. Imagine it – create that picture, once it is created in your head it already exists as an option. Visualize! Then involve your emotions, that’s very important – try to feel what you would feel if you already had it. Create faith and trust that your intentions will be fulfilled.

You have to tune in to what you want to attract

Here we have one more interesting thing taken from quantum physics that sometimes the effect precedes the cause… mindblowing, isn’t ?). So you see why it is so vital to focus your energy on a effect, to ‘imagine the effect’.

Emotion – movement & energy – a key to your transformation

I mentioned that emotions are also energy that vibrates at different frequencies. It should be noted here, that this frequency varies depending on the emotions felt. Emotions like love, inspirations or gratitude has high frequency, lower frequency concerns all unpleasant emotions.

picture credit: http://www.thebelievecoach.com

Emotional energy manifests in the body in the form of physical sensations. In this way energy affects the body. It’s very easy to observe – depending on what you feel at the moment, your body behaves differently. When you stressed or in fear, you can feel sensations in your stomach, your throat contracts and hands are sweating. This is your body response to certain emotions. And notice what happen when you experience a pleasure emotions – joy, love, enthusiasm – your body reacts, but in a different way. Now, learning how to control emotions can help you control what is happening in your body. You’ve heard a lot about how stress kills, right? This is not exaggerated. When we are stuck in low-frequency emotions for too long, our body reacts by self-destruction. Imagine, what would happen if you live in constant feeling of pure love, gratitude, abundance? You’ll transform on many levels.

Everything is energy and everything is connected – body, mind, universe…

According to dr. Joe Dispenza, who is known for his research on heart and mind coherence, we can have control over what our future will be like. In his books he introduce us to idea of quantum.

“Thoughts are the electrical charge in the quantum field, and feelings produce a magnetic charge in the quantum field. And how you think and how you feel broadcasts electromagnetic energy that influences every single atom in your life. The thought send the signal out and the feelings draws the experience back to you (…) “-J.Dispenza

Dispenza claims that all possibilities exist as electromagnetic potentials in the quantum field. It exists only as a frequency and energy to tune in to. You can do it by meditation.

As you can see, the law of attraction and self-fulfilling prophecy can be seen from more scientific perspective. Are they the same thing? They are not, because they are based on different theories. The law of attraction is more related to quantum physics, to the theory that our material reality is energy, that we, also our thoughts, are the energy that creates the electromagnetic field. Self-fulfilling prophecy is a psychological term. This theory is based on research that shows how our attitude influences the effect, we achieve it and what happens to us.

None of them is magic, unless we consider magic, a phenomena that we do not fully understand.

Dealing with an addicted mind

We have been equipped in the great and very powerful, yet fragile tool. Our mind. In ideal world we would be able to fully control it, same got control of whole our life. However, there’s no such a thing as ideal world. It always amazed me, that people can be strong and vulnerable at the same time. That, despite their uniqueness and intelligence, they can lose to a simple substance – a chemical compound, a cluster of elements. Maybe it’s because we are just cluster of atoms too?

Despite the fact that modern psychology and medicine explain more and more mechanisms of bad habits, addictions are still stigmatized. I think it’s because many people still doesn’t quite understand it. The addiction mechanism itself is rather simple. What is more complicated lies in the mind that creates these mechanisms. Many studies indicate that addiction to alcohol, drugs or medicines are a certain, ineffective form of self-healing.

We all have this idea of ​​what addiction is. It’s medical problem. The diagnosis includes a bunch of physiological, behavioral and cognitive phenomena. However, it’s vital to distinguish a habit from addiction. There is a subtle difference between repetitive activity and impaired ability to control it.

So how to recognize the addiction mechanism?

Basically, we become addicted to something that we think helps us cope. The thing we reach for, stimulates our brain in such a way that we feel rewarded. Or relieved. Addiction develops in the context of human personality. You can be susceptible or not, as you would with self-destructive behavior. Because it comes down to it in a broader spectrum. And although the mechanism is the same for every human being, each addiction is different. Below you can see coping cycles of affected and healthy mind:

by Sarah Smock Jordan

If you often seeking relief and running away from yourself into artificial states of mind, you might be in this dangerous spot where the roller-coaster ride starts. Why do I say this? Because this is how it looks from my own perspective.

Am I really an addict?

When I was 20 years old I ended up on rehab. After being locked for few weeks in institution I followed few years of group and individual therapy. What a fun, I’m telling you! While joining university (and you know how students life looks like) and starting over again, I wasn’t even able to socialize, cause most of human interactions are based on things I had to avoid to stay sober. Casual beer, parties, gigs, pubs and restaurants meetings. You know, all that things young adults like to do. I missed all of that in my first years of college. Instead, I spent lots of time with a bunch of ageing guys from AA group. Oh, and got emotionally involved with my therapist. Firmly I do not advise!

You can ask how did I manage to withstand it at a young age? Well, I really tasted it before, and I had it all too much. You know this slogan sex, drugs & rock’n roll? What can I say – I can’t describe teenager me better than that! Following years manifested themselves in depression and neurosis, and eventually a return to bad habits. What I can be proud of, I’ve never back to hard drugs. But there still was irresistible inclination towards that bottle full of happy percentage, not mention overusing holy herbs. It’s long and painful story. Anyways, it happened that I solved this problem in a way, that it no longer bothers me. Not so much. Amazing that I began to develop a healthy awareness of myself and these issues in my thirties. As they say – better late, than never! So, am I sober now?

No. For sure not in a way my therapist wanted me to be. But I’m not drunk or under influence of shitty stuff anymore. And here starts the tricky part. Before I write more, I would like to tell you, that I am not an advocate of ‘not staying away’ from stimulating substances. What I’m trying to say is that in some cases rigid separation from everything can be toxic.

 I remember that obstinate thought I had once looking at people having fun - I want to have fun too. Like a normal person, not an addict. I don't wanna be careful with every thing around me, I don't wanna live in constant fear of triggers that might appear everywhere on my way.I like to try treat everything normal, not as a potential threat to my sobriety.

Not a therapeutic thinking at all. But you know what? I can tell you that for few years of total sobriety I wasn’t happier person at all. Withdrawal from any substance will not help much if you still have a mess in your head. My therapist used to call it “ass cramp” – when your body is sober, but your mind still high in drunken promised paradise.

All addicts needs revolution in the brain and some dabbling in mental guts.

Use of psychoactive substances is transformed into addiction, which further aggravates all previous problems. Without proper changes in your mind, nothing will come out of being sober. Those changes must touch every aspect of your wounded soul. I can tell you it’s not easy journey. And in my case very long.

Did you know that getting drunk or drug use is a self-destructive behavior that is associated with a deep personality disorder?

Overcoming problems with addictions it’s a matter of achieving right perspective. Pint of beer won’t harm you if you know how to approach drinking. Having awareness that you are looking for intoxication is the first step to understand the problem. If you realize that you are drinking to kill something inside you, better put the bottle down. Allow yourself to it only if you are sure that there is no hidden intention.

This applies to all other addictions, because not all of them result from the abuse of psychoactive substances. The same mechanisms apply to addiction to gambling or sex. In addition, different types of addiction can be identified. According to American biostatic and physiologist Elvin Molton Jellinek, who referred to alcohol addiction, there are five types:

  • Alfa – when the substance is used to relax, reduce stress and it leads to loosing control over drinking/using.
  • Beta – addiction combined with physical complications
  • Gamma – most common, is distinguished by a gradual increase in alcohol tolerance. An addicted person loses control over the amount of alcohol consumed, but drinks intermittently, maintains the ability to decide when to start drinking after a break.
  • Delta – can control the amount of alcohol consumed, but is unable to refrain from drinking.
  • Epsilon – periodic getting drunk, in ‘series’.

We can also identify four stages of addiction development: initial, warning, critical and chronic. As you can see all habits and addictions are complex issue. If there is anything that worries you about this topic, I suggest you take a closer look.

Bottle of wine is not a plaster for a broken soul.

addiction is not only alcohol and drugs, it is also medicine, sugar, sex, gambling, food, masturbation, games, pornography, falling in love …

This is probably the most important thing – intoxication will not help you heal yourself of sadness, lack or emptiness. What’s more, it can increase their intensity. Substance abuse is like self-propelled destruction machine. Addicted mind is confused and fragile, it gets easily lost in the complexities of reality. I can certainly say that in my case it contributed to the deepening of nervous problems. Although it’s ok now, I know these problems will come back. Because this is life – take the bitter with the sweet. Relapses may appear unexpectedly. There was a time, bad time, when I was treated medically, but I gave up medication. I currently believe that a holistic approach can be equally effective. Of course, this depends on the specific cases.

To start dealing with any addiction we need to understand what wounds we want to cover with it. We need to look deep inside ourselves, even if we think this is really dark and cold place. We can’t close eyes to avoid seeing those scary shadows we are afraid of. We need to meet our demons – fears, disappointments, failure, rejection, guilt, emptiness. And we need to accept that they are there, inside. Otherwise will be impossible to fight them and transform. I know it might sounds naive, but once we deal with all unpleasant emotions, we will be able to move to the level where we can reveal in ourselves understanding, forgiveness, fulfillment, love. This is how healing starts.

You don’t have to fit in everywhere.

Have you ever found yourself wondering if you look good enough or if you properly dressed? Or what to say if someone ask you, what do you think about emigration crisis? Have you ever noticed that, before you do something, you consider how it will affect your image in the eyes of other people? Have you ever felt that this image is more valuable than real you, because there’s no chance that real you can be liked to the same extend?

Do you know what is one of the saddest things to me? These types of questions typed in google: what do guys like? How to be liked? What men attract women? How to make people laugh? In fact, they all come down to one question: How should I be? You tube ‘psychologists’ often try to answer this question, while they advise you on how to be charismatic, and what perfumes choose to match your personality. More sadly, many people fall for it. The truth is that there is no such a thing as perfect formula by which you will learn what the best business idea is, how to write a bestseller, or how to make every guy fall in love with you.

The fact that we try to find ourselves in the expectations of other people is associated with the way we are brought up. Not only by parents, but by society. Even if we think that we are free from any of conventions or patterns of behavior, some part of us has already been programmed. Some part of us want to fit. Everywhere.

Now, don’t get me wrong – of course need to belong is natural part of us being humans, is absolutely natural and according to social psychology it condition many human behaviors. Writing about it I do not mean a sense of social identity or a healthy sense of belonging to certain groups. There’s a difference between fitting in and belonging.

What I mean here, are situations that are beyond common sense. Situations, where we force ourselves to live in specific split, because the face we show to the world is not our real face. We create some kind of avatar in order to be accepted. To fit it. But I tell you one thing – you’re not a piece of puzzle. You don’t need to fit it.

I worked in a perfumery some time ago, and do you know what the most common question people choosing fragrances was? It was: What’s popular? To me, a perfume freak, it was inconceivable! It was like – fuck my taste, fuck what I might like – let’s buy something trendy, what everyone likes! Sadly, it can be an allegory about other areas of our lives.

Have you heard about bandwagon effect? It's a tendency people have to adopt a certain behavior, style, or attitude influenced by the pressure and norms exerted by groups.It can impact wide spectrum of human behaviors. 

I’m sure we’ve all been there. I experienced it myself over many stages of my life. Sometimes I was too smart, sometimes I was too awkward, sometimes too shy, sometimes too ‘rude’. Among my close friends so often I felt too ‘dressed’, on the other hand, while I worked in beauty industry, I always felt too hippie.

I remember on my first make up job I was asked Which Kardashian is your favorite? Holy Shit, I had no idea there is more than one!

Does it mean that I don’t fit anywhere? No, rather that I’m unique human being. And yes, I still feel often that I stand out in many situations and contexts, with people and their perception of everything. And this is ok. It’s a pity that it took me so long to understand this.

Need of fitting in is sick. It does nothing but damage. The fact that each of us is different is the basis for individual development.

When I created my skincare brand, and went out there with all social media posts etc., one person told me that I have to change brand image, because it’s too dark, and not everyone will like it. Well, the thing is: I didn’t create it so everyone like it. I create it to fulfill my own vision and to express what I like and believe. Surely, it doesn’t sell in millions, but you know what? I have this great satisfaction that I created something real and I don’t mislead, in any way, people who buy my products.

It’s worth realizing that what’s good don’t have to please everyone.

This apply to everything – you can’t go out there and suit everyone. Instead, go inside and focus on what is real in you. Your inner self is the only individual that you have to get along with.

Five things I’ve learned from my cat

Do you also experience sometimes a feeling that at some point all self help publications are same? That it is not easy to find a valuable stuff among those medium quality articles wrote by copywriters? Are you fed up with all those self made coaching gurus out there? So I have one advice for you – get a cat!

Here’s how having a pets might change your perspective in terms of many things. And yes, I serve this post is with a grain of salt 😉

I. My cat doesn’t give a fuck.

As above, he just doesn’t. You trying to blandish, get into grace, makes him like you? He literally doesn’t care. Not about things which doesn’t matter to him. He lives in his tailor made cat world where there is no space for worrying too much, or flatter others. He just doing his own business and that makes him happy. He doesn’t think what anyone might think, because – why bother?

II. My cat really doesn’t care if you like him or not.

Cats has this amazing attribute to be absolutely cut off from someone else’s opinion about them. If you like them – great, if not – whatever. They doesn’t care what you think about them. This is the most healthy approach that one can develop in life. To not be dependable from the visions of others about you. To not get upset if you won’t fit into someone’s else idea about what is great, and what is not.

Lots of us have tendency to people-please, to putting others first, which leaves us open to being taken advantage of while we chase acceptance. In this case, it’s really hard to build a healthy relationship with yourself, and others. I think the most important thing is to learn to like yourself – you are the only person which favor you should care about.

We’re not amused. Try more

III. My cat puts his needs first.

He does what he needs most at the moment. If it comes to play, rest, food (especially food…) he satisfies his needs because he knows that they are important. Is that simple.

More than that, he really understand his needs. It’s not like with majority of humans, that they doesn’t know what they want. He knows. He want. He get it.

He’s not afraid to ask for what he need.

Even if we think about basic, simple needs that we all have, it is surprising that even they are not fulfilled. Let’s take sleep as a example – when was the last time you slept, so that you woke up fresh like a newborn baby? Admit it, how often do you cut your sleep time to do something ‘more important’? How does this apply to other aspects of your life – whether you are eating the way you should, or are you just throwing anything in, so that you don’t feel hungry? Do you allow yourself to rest whenever you need it, or is it luxury in your busy life?

Maybe next time when you feel bit overwhelmed think: what cat would do?

IV. My cat is not afraid to show feelings.

And I mean all spectrum of feelings from deep anger to irresistible love. If he’s mad he will show you that, if he doesn’t like something he will not pretend otherwise. Also, he will show you that he was missing you. He’s not afraid to show love – unlike people, he is not afraid that this may be seen as a weakness.

To remain mentally and emotionally healthy we need to know how to recognize our emotions, and how to deal with them. Ignoring our emotional health makes life easier in the short term. Ignoring feelings, especially those unpleasant, will not make them disappear. It’s like garbage swept under the carpet – you can’t see them but they are there.

V. My cat knows that happiness is based on the joy of small things.

Cats brings mindfulness to the level which probably will never be available to people. The joy of the moment, devoided of any background, unnecessary things and thoughts. Have you ever been so happy about some small thing, like a cat who found this super cool fuzz under bed to play with?

If we do not learn to find joy in these small moments, we will never learn to be truly happy. Life consists of such small things like walk in the sun, favorite tea, extra portion of jam in your doughnut, smile of a stranger on the street, a compliment about the work you’ve done, small talk with a friend, a wonderful dream you were dreaming, great book you read in bed…Bigger things comes always after that.

enjoying himself

I’ve heard somewhere that the reason we love cats so much is because they’re the cutest motherfuckers on the earth. To find more reasons to love them watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Itq8_HOPEXU&t=4s