Tag Archives: coaching

Don’t wait too long for the perfect life

When life suck people tend to create illusion zones, where they feel safe. Sometimes they lead a double life – one in reality and the other one that happens only in their heads. Why this is not a great idea and why it doesn’t help to reduce ‘suckiness’? Because running into fantasies when life doesn’t work out is not the solution.

Did you noticed how often we put dreams aside, for later? For distant time when we will be ready – and this could mean anything – time when we’ll be perfect, less fat, or less busy. So we are waiting. But usually we are not becoming perfect 55 kg creatures with lots of spare time. Same, our dreams get dusty, and then we forget about them. Or worse – we transfer them to an imaginary sphere of fantasy. A place where nothing happens for real.

I have a friend who dreamed of becoming animator. He studied hard and got better and better every year. Some of his college tutors worked for amazing animation company – I mean really amazing – one of those guys you can see at Oscars Awards. As they knew him well, cause he also worked part time in a market beside their office, they offered him a possibility to join them – first as a trainee of course. Do you know what’s happened? He decided that he was not ready yet, because to join them he had to feel that he is perfect – otherwise they could see that he sucks. He abstained. It happened quite a few years ago and he never had a similar opportunity again. The lesson here? First – that some occasions happens only once in a lifetime. Second – never wait to be perfect – you won’t be anyway! Waiting to become perfect hold you back from whatever you want to achieve. Instead, just go out there, make mistakes, learn, gain experience and work hard – this is how the path to success is paved.

Another thing that cuts our wings is that we are not commit to our goals 100%. We think that we dream big, but in fact we remain in our safe zone. We dream halfway, as if afraid of it. If you think seriously about your life and your goals you need to answer one question:

How bad you want it?

Are you ready to sacrifice your time and comfort to achieve it? Are you ready to loose something to get the thing you want? Do you want it so bad that you will agree to work hard while you could simply watch Dark on Netflix, or go out with your friends to this new fancy craft beer place? It is your choice, but keep in mind that sometimes success is about cutting back on pleasure in the present moment.

Psychologists and coaches talking about deferred gratification and it seems to me that ability to delay reward/pleasure is a key here. Without self-control and self-discipline, our dreams are houses of cards.

(More about self-discipline you can read here: https://wholeworldinmyhead.com/2020/08/25/how-to-stop-struggle-with-self-discipline/)

And I know how hard is to seat at the desk to work on your dream project while you’re tired as hell because you just back from your 8-hours shift in the office. I know that when you back home and see cozy armchair, soft blanket, favorite book beside, scented candle on the windowsill, cabinet filled with flavored tea you don’t wanna go out for a jogging, even if you promised to yourself that you will lose this jelly like substance coating your thighs. And I know that it seems almost impossible to grab that language manual just like you planned it, because in a fact you don’t need to know that fucking German to watch those tempting you tube tutorials on how to build bird houses. Or how to replant flowers. Or trees. Trust me – all these are more exiting than learning German.

If you tend to lose your motivation, simply feed it! Get a journal and write everyday about all your dreams, even those crazy ones, that seem unattainable. Make a list of your dreams, read them over and over again and reflect on them – let your mind soak through it! Hang some inspirational pictures and quotes on your wall, in your wardrobe, even on your bathroom mirror – let everything around remind you about what you standing for. Meditate and visualize your goals everyday – remember that everything in your life starts in your mind.

You become better only by doing things, not by waiting for them to happen

Better doesn’t mean perfect. Your life doesn’t need to be perfect so you can feel joy, fulfillment and excitement. Success is not a finished thing, but the whole road that leads to it. What defines your success should not be based on what you have, but on the actions taken. Sometimes you may feel totally unprepared, but take action anyway. Start acting before you feel ready – the rest will follow. If you expect the best, it flows to you.

When I opened my small natural skincare company I had no freaking idea how should I do it. But I had that concept I loved and I’ve done it anyway – it was total improvisation, but it worked at the end! Same with this blog – as English is not my first language I worried a bit it would be hard. Of course I could spend a countless time on improving my grammar skills and wait for become better at it – and you know what? Probably I would never write a single word here. I said to myself fuck it, I’ll do it anyway! And this is how most of great things on this world works – if you don’t know how to do it, don’t wait – improvise!

You don’t have to fit in everywhere.

Have you ever found yourself wondering if you look good enough or if you properly dressed? Or what to say if someone ask you, what do you think about emigration crisis? Have you ever noticed that, before you do something, you consider how it will affect your image in the eyes of other people? Have you ever felt that this image is more valuable than real you, because there’s no chance that real you can be liked to the same extend?

Do you know what is one of the saddest things to me? These types of questions typed in google: what do guys like? How to be liked? What men attract women? How to make people laugh? In fact, they all come down to one question: How should I be? You tube ‘psychologists’ often try to answer this question, while they advise you on how to be charismatic, and what perfumes choose to match your personality. More sadly, many people fall for it. The truth is that there is no such a thing as perfect formula by which you will learn what the best business idea is, how to write a bestseller, or how to make every guy fall in love with you.

The fact that we try to find ourselves in the expectations of other people is associated with the way we are brought up. Not only by parents, but by society. Even if we think that we are free from any of conventions or patterns of behavior, some part of us has already been programmed. Some part of us want to fit. Everywhere.

Now, don’t get me wrong – of course need to belong is natural part of us being humans, is absolutely natural and according to social psychology it condition many human behaviors. Writing about it I do not mean a sense of social identity or a healthy sense of belonging to certain groups. There’s a difference between fitting in and belonging.

What I mean here, are situations that are beyond common sense. Situations, where we force ourselves to live in specific split, because the face we show to the world is not our real face. We create some kind of avatar in order to be accepted. To fit it. But I tell you one thing – you’re not a piece of puzzle. You don’t need to fit it.

I worked in a perfumery some time ago, and do you know what the most common question people choosing fragrances was? It was: What’s popular? To me, a perfume freak, it was inconceivable! It was like – fuck my taste, fuck what I might like – let’s buy something trendy, what everyone likes! Sadly, it can be an allegory about other areas of our lives.

Have you heard about bandwagon effect? It's a tendency people have to adopt a certain behavior, style, or attitude influenced by the pressure and norms exerted by groups.It can impact wide spectrum of human behaviors. 

I’m sure we’ve all been there. I experienced it myself over many stages of my life. Sometimes I was too smart, sometimes I was too awkward, sometimes too shy, sometimes too ‘rude’. Among my close friends so often I felt too ‘dressed’, on the other hand, while I worked in beauty industry, I always felt too hippie.

I remember on my first make up job I was asked Which Kardashian is your favorite? Holy Shit, I had no idea there is more than one!

Does it mean that I don’t fit anywhere? No, rather that I’m unique human being. And yes, I still feel often that I stand out in many situations and contexts, with people and their perception of everything. And this is ok. It’s a pity that it took me so long to understand this.

Need of fitting in is sick. It does nothing but damage. The fact that each of us is different is the basis for individual development.

When I created my skincare brand, and went out there with all social media posts etc., one person told me that I have to change brand image, because it’s too dark, and not everyone will like it. Well, the thing is: I didn’t create it so everyone like it. I create it to fulfill my own vision and to express what I like and believe. Surely, it doesn’t sell in millions, but you know what? I have this great satisfaction that I created something real and I don’t mislead, in any way, people who buy my products.

It’s worth realizing that what’s good don’t have to please everyone.

This apply to everything – you can’t go out there and suit everyone. Instead, go inside and focus on what is real in you. Your inner self is the only individual that you have to get along with.

Five things I’ve learned from my cat

Do you also experience sometimes a feeling that at some point all self help publications are same? That it is not easy to find a valuable stuff among those medium quality articles wrote by copywriters? Are you fed up with all those self made coaching gurus out there? So I have one advice for you – get a cat!

Here’s how having a pets might change your perspective in terms of many things. And yes, I serve this post is with a grain of salt 😉

I. My cat doesn’t give a fuck.

As above, he just doesn’t. You trying to blandish, get into grace, makes him like you? He literally doesn’t care. Not about things which doesn’t matter to him. He lives in his tailor made cat world where there is no space for worrying too much, or flatter others. He just doing his own business and that makes him happy. He doesn’t think what anyone might think, because – why bother?

II. My cat really doesn’t care if you like him or not.

Cats has this amazing attribute to be absolutely cut off from someone else’s opinion about them. If you like them – great, if not – whatever. They doesn’t care what you think about them. This is the most healthy approach that one can develop in life. To not be dependable from the visions of others about you. To not get upset if you won’t fit into someone’s else idea about what is great, and what is not.

Lots of us have tendency to people-please, to putting others first, which leaves us open to being taken advantage of while we chase acceptance. In this case, it’s really hard to build a healthy relationship with yourself, and others. I think the most important thing is to learn to like yourself – you are the only person which favor you should care about.

We’re not amused. Try more

III. My cat puts his needs first.

He does what he needs most at the moment. If it comes to play, rest, food (especially food…) he satisfies his needs because he knows that they are important. Is that simple.

More than that, he really understand his needs. It’s not like with majority of humans, that they doesn’t know what they want. He knows. He want. He get it.

He’s not afraid to ask for what he need.

Even if we think about basic, simple needs that we all have, it is surprising that even they are not fulfilled. Let’s take sleep as a example – when was the last time you slept, so that you woke up fresh like a newborn baby? Admit it, how often do you cut your sleep time to do something ‘more important’? How does this apply to other aspects of your life – whether you are eating the way you should, or are you just throwing anything in, so that you don’t feel hungry? Do you allow yourself to rest whenever you need it, or is it luxury in your busy life?

Maybe next time when you feel bit overwhelmed think: what cat would do?

IV. My cat is not afraid to show feelings.

And I mean all spectrum of feelings from deep anger to irresistible love. If he’s mad he will show you that, if he doesn’t like something he will not pretend otherwise. Also, he will show you that he was missing you. He’s not afraid to show love – unlike people, he is not afraid that this may be seen as a weakness.

To remain mentally and emotionally healthy we need to know how to recognize our emotions, and how to deal with them. Ignoring our emotional health makes life easier in the short term. Ignoring feelings, especially those unpleasant, will not make them disappear. It’s like garbage swept under the carpet – you can’t see them but they are there.

V. My cat knows that happiness is based on the joy of small things.

Cats brings mindfulness to the level which probably will never be available to people. The joy of the moment, devoided of any background, unnecessary things and thoughts. Have you ever been so happy about some small thing, like a cat who found this super cool fuzz under bed to play with?

If we do not learn to find joy in these small moments, we will never learn to be truly happy. Life consists of such small things like walk in the sun, favorite tea, extra portion of jam in your doughnut, smile of a stranger on the street, a compliment about the work you’ve done, small talk with a friend, a wonderful dream you were dreaming, great book you read in bed…Bigger things comes always after that.

enjoying himself

I’ve heard somewhere that the reason we love cats so much is because they’re the cutest motherfuckers on the earth. To find more reasons to love them watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Itq8_HOPEXU&t=4s

Why we are not who we want to be?

Have you ever wondered what your life will look like in five, ten years? And do you remember that version of yourself from a few years ago, who wondered what it’s gonna be like in the future? What would you think of the person you are now, seeing yourself through the eyes of five or ten years younger you?

Most of us, unfortunately, would not be happy, and certainly there would be those whose such self-image would fill with horror. Why is it happening so often that we becoming someone we did not want to become?

Sometimes, despite being stuck in a situation that doesn’t suit us, we are not able to even change the state we are in. We forgetting about the dreams we once had, and we are not believing anymore that we can ever make them come true. We loosing ourselves in boring everyday life, we postponing life for later. As a result, we are not who we really would like to be, and we don’t do what we would like to do.

Have you ever experienced such a feelings? If you say yes, you know very well how much it sucks. And how difficult is to break free from it. However, it doesn’t mean that the changes are impossible, but before you try to make them, first try to find out why you stuck in this personal shit hole.

Once you realize what holds you back, you will be able to create and implement a dream vision of your life. And of yourself, because your life is reflection of what is happening inside you.

You are waiting for something that will happen by itself

Don’t we all waiting for some miracles? But you know what? Nothing will happen by itself! You don’t live in a fairy tale in which beautiful prince will come to save you and make you happy for the rest of your life. You are also not the lucky one from an old movie, where someone might notice your great talent and make you famous and rich. The only fairy you can count on in your life is YOU!

To get anything from life, you first have to give something of yourself. Perhaps some dedication, attention, time, patience and perseverance.

It depends only on you how your life will go. If you have a dream based on your passion, devote yourself one hundred percent to it, and it will definitely pay off. What is the thing that you really want to do? If you already know, I have one simple piece of advice: DO IT! Even if you have to start small and uncomfortable. Everyone started somewhere.

Lack of motivation and bad habits

Finding motivation is not easy, and maintaining it at the same level seems impossible at all. That is why it’s very important to develop proper habits. Achieving goals (we can also call them dreams) often requires tedious work, effort, dedication and time. Successful people go through this difficult path because they can control themselves. Self-discipline is the key. It might seems too simple, but just think about it: if you were able to control yourself to such an extent that every day, but absolutely every day, you would do the tasks you set for yourself (it could be anything: learning a language, training, playing the guitar, learning how to draw, programming, singing etc.), how far would you be today? By devoting some part of the time every day (or almost every day) and being systematic we are able to bring almost any skill to the master level. We just need to control our desire to switch to Netflix + pizza mode, which is not an easy matter.

Two deadly “P”

Procrastination and perfectionism are two words that you will have to cross out from your dictionary. Forever.

Procrastination, that is tendency to postpone everything, is the killer of our dreams. Be honest with yourself, how often you use a phrase that you’ll do something ‘another time’? Well, I will tell you one thing whatever your answer is. Too often. Another time is mythical land that doesn’t exist, is a cold space where dreams die. Another time it won’t be better, easier or otherwise. Another time there will be less time to do, what you can do now.

Next hideous ‘P’ is perfectionism, which often destroys our effort from the very beginning. When we start doing something, it is obvious that we are not perfect at it, and the awareness of it may deprive us of the motivation to try at all. We are not perfect even when we do something for a long time, and it does not mean that we do not do it right.

As Sheryl Sandberg said Done is better than perfect. You don’t need to be perfect to be great. You can achieve amazing things by being wonderfully imperfect. And this way is more fun too. It’s totally enough if you’re becoming better than yesterday, wherein you compete only with yourself, not with someone else.

Look at people who are successful in the field in which you would also like to do something, they are not perfect in what they do. Many great musicians having bumps on the stage, many writers creates things that are not always worth the Nobel prize, many active actors have a failed role in their achievements. None of them are perfect, but each of them is great. You can be too.

You are tired of life

You get up very early so you don’t won’t be late for work. Work you don’t like. You are in too much of a hurry to enjoy your morning coffee, and you quickly swallow breakfast, so that you “don’t waste” too much time – a time you want to use to do things that you don’t enjoy anyway. At work, you count the hours to the end. Returning home, instead of thinking about a free afternoon / evening, you think about all that you MUST do. Shopping, supplies, cooking, washing, setting up the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, replying to e-mails, calling the bank … over and over again. Well, to feel a bit better, please realize that you don’t have to do anything! Think in terms of choice rather than coercion.

If you’re burned out you don’t have the strength or even the desire to fulfill your dreams and goals. If you are tired, let it go and just relax. In the multitude of obligations that we often impose ourselves, it is very easy to lose a healthy approach to life. If you do not vacuum the apartment once, but instead you’ll be lounging in a hot bath reading the most inspirational novel, will something bad happen?

The above thoughts are the harvest of the fights with my own inner lazy demons, and it doesn’t mean that I won the fight. Sometimes I win, sometimes I loose. The fight is still going on. You know what helps me to keep going? To refresh my dreams from time to time, so I’ll never forget what I’m standing for.

Don’t be that person! (or how not to become a victim)

I bet you know this kind of people (they are not uncommon) – those who have an excuse for everything. Those who are super talented, but the world underestimated their genius. Those who are so special, but the rest of the people does not recognize their uniqueness. Those, who could not fully develop because of inappropriate parents, mean teachers, nomenclature, circumstances, lack of money and connections…They live in their imaginary bubble as a tragic unfulfilled victims of unjust world.

That’s all bullshit. Do you know why? Because the only things that matter are effects.

Nobody will ever care that you were born with the ability of singing on a six-point scale (because that’s what the music teacher said when you were 10) if you don’t start doing something to use it. Nobody will ever care that you have had this amazing writing talent, and possibly to become a new Proust of your generation. You know why? Because you never dare to write anything more than a school essay or a facebook post! Same, nobody gives a shit that if you trained hard enough, you could become a great athlete, or if you spend more time on your drawing, you could become well paid artist.

No one cares about unused talent. NO ONE. SERIOUSLY.

Do you often see such people, mostly your age or slightly older, they can talk for hours over a drink about what they could achieve in life. How special they were. They criticize a song on the radio because they would play this riff better (but they don’t play, and they never will). They say in drunken manner: If only you could hear me playing the guitar in college, with such talent I could play in a band! Yes. You could. But you didn’t. Same like you didn’t write that amazing novel which would be better than anything Gaiman wrote. Or like you’ve never started that business – you know, the one you like to talk about for last five years – that unique idea which you came up with because you are more inventive than others.

What count is what you did, not what you could do.

It’s very easy to become an ageing sad man. You know what’s not easy? Effort.

We all were born with special gifts and talents, but only successful ones put an effort into developing their talents.

Effort is not easy, hard work, commitment and uncomfortable choices are not easy. Spending evening hours finishing your first book chapter is not easy. But it is effective. Jogging in the rain while your flatmates drinking beer and watching Netflix is not easy, but this is the way which is effective if you want to take part in a marathon. What is easy? Saying that you could done all of this better, but circumstances were not favorable.

Probably such pathetic talks about ‘what undiscovered talent I am’ can improve mood for a moment. But life is not a movie in which we can wait for someone to discover us. Sorry for the brutal truth, but you need to make an effort, you need to work to actually get what you want. There is no genie in your life that will fulfill your wish in a split second. In fairness, it happened that one of my girlfriends married her dream’s millionaire, and thus her fairy tale came true. But if you think it happened all of a sudden and like in a fairy tale, you’re wrong – she had to date dozens of assholes before that 😉

Regret is probably one of the most destructive feelings, hence it is so easy to find excuses for everything we’ve fucked up. Or what we didn’t screw up because we didn’t even start doing it. We are creatures that are ruled by ego, so for our failures we most often blame everything else or the world around us. We don’t wanna feel that regret, because it’s awful! It’s so much better to feel like a victim of unjust circumstances. Still not great, but bit better. Because guilt for missed opportunities is the worst. If our life did not succeed, of course, we would prefer it was someone’s fault. If we have to be losers let’s be losers not by our own fault.

We decide what happens in our lives. We are responsible for our choices, for what we spend time and money on, for what kind of people we hang out. So decide for yourself that you never will be that person who moaning about who could he/she be if …(put an excuse here).

Master your focus

This is the thing that everyone want us to do, but nobody ever showed us how to do it. Nobody even explained what it is – this wonderful, almost unattainable physical state. Focus. Think about this – since early stages of our life, through school, college and work, we hear all the time that we need to focus. But how the hell, can we do it? It would be great if someone would kindly show us, right?

In simple word focus is ability to eliminate distractions. Like with many other things – it’s simple, but not easy. The question is – why we struggle so much achieving clear concentration? Is it a matter of some kind of flaw? Or maybe our brains refuse to obey? Let’s find out.

It turns out that most people can’t manage themselves in the right way. We are not aware of how our brain, mind and our attention work. One of my personal You Tube guru, Dandapani, says:

“(…) most people can’t concentrate today for two reasons; one is we’re never taught how to concentrate, and second is we don’t practice concentration. So how can you do something if you never taught how to do it? And how can you be good at something if you don’t practicing? (…) let’s say on average we are practicing a 13 hours of distractions a day, seven day a week, and then you’re wonder why you’re so good at it. That’s the law of practice (…) we become good whatever is we practice.”

Simple as it is – we become all these things to which we devote our attention. When we divide our attention to many things at once, we’re losing. Divided attention is not attention. It’s distraction. And as Dandapani saying, it’s not enough if you sit once a day for 10 minutes meditation practice, while for the rest 1440 minutes your mind is distracted! Do you see where we are going with this?

Unwavering focus is is something you need to practice.
Not for ten minutes a day, but all day. Wonder how? Let’s gets things under way.

  1. Myth of multitasking

First thing you need to remember: multitasking is bad! I mean really bad, ugly and shabby. From now on I want you to think about multitasking like you would think about your older’s brother stinky pair of socks, or pineapple on pizza, or polish disco charts. Or preferably all of them at once. I know what you want to say right now, I really hear your voice  ‘Why?Multitasking is great, it save your time!’ Keep that voice down please, cause this is not the case. Why? Here it is: multitasking forces your brain to switch your focus back and forth very quickly from one task to another. And what is wrong with that? Our brain cannot seamlessly transit from one task to another. Those switches costs you mental price. This is more harmful than you might think and have real negative impact on your productivity and creativity. What it means is that multitasking stops you from getting into a state of flow, which is the best condition for creating any work. Also, it impacts your short-term memory, even leads to increased anxiety. So do one one thing at the moment. Only one.

2. Turn notifications off

Get rid of that stimulating buzzz sound while you working on something important. Seriously, do you need to know who liked your instagram selfie, or what your bestie uploaded in her latest story? No,you don’t! All you need is do you task – that’s all matter. There will be time for all emails, texts, facebook, missed calls. But later, when you finish. Such bullshit really weakens concentration and motivation. You know yourself how much willpower requires you to concentrate, so don’t waste it because of  some stupid notification bells.

3. Try pomodoro technique

This method, developed by Francesco Cirillo in the late 1980s., uses a timer to break down work into not long (originally 25 minutes, but you can decide for yourself), timed intervals spaced out by short breaks. Pomodoro is one of the simplest and most effective productivity tools – requires only a timer and simple rules. For this 25 minutes you must really work, without bullshit. After a while you will see that it works. And there’s more – with time it can even help improve your attention span and concentration. Definitely worth a try. You can also try focus music (you can just find it on you tube) while you working on something – it will keep you into what you doing.

4. Be mindful

Learn how to be totally aware of yourself. Try to pay unwavering attention to whatever you do at the moment. Practice it.  Not for ten munutes daily, but all the times. When you speak to someone, pay all attention to that person. While eating contemplate the taste of food, notice its smell and consistency. Be attentive even with trivial activities, such as washing dishes or vacuuming – treat them as a practice of your mindfulness. Practice concentrating on every little thing you do during the day. You’ll find out how good you will be after some time.

(...) If you practice something over and over again, you become really good at it. And that's why people are so good at distraction - because it's what they practice." - Dandapani

5. Meditate

You expected that, right? What can I say, meditation is a thing! It’s the best what you can do for yourself. It can help you grow on so many levels. More or less you know what this is about. Of course this topic deserves more attention and space, and I’ll back to it in future posts. For now, I want to highlight how significant may be bringing this practice to your life. And don’t say that you can’t or you don’t know how – meditation is a process you can learn. Like any other skill.

Once I had tat silly idea about meditation. I don’t know where it came from, but I was expecting something extraordinary from meditating. And by extraordinary I mean flashes, visions, enlightenment, or I don’t know what else, maybe a journey to another dimension. I expected some extreme changes of consciousness. Like after strong joint, or something. Well, forget about it. Meditation can change your consciousness, but not in this junkie-hippie-stoner way some might think of.

Meditation clear your mind and allows you to see things on a deeper lever. It allows to look inside you and to see the connections between all things in reality. And it’s better than being ‘on high’!

There are many apps out there that might help you enter the process and learn it. I can recommend Calm or Headspace, both you can try out for free.

Instead of ending:

This is the second version of this post, the first containing about 1000 words, I ‘accidentally’ deleted. It shows how inattentive you can be when writing about focus…Ironic. I got annoyed, you can imagine, but them I remembered that once ‘accidentally’ I deleted my bachelor’s thesis written in 90 percent. Two weeks before deadline…I realized this time it’s not so bad – I just need to focus more! So I took a shower, grabbed a beer and back to my desk . And here it is. Maybe not so polished, but I wrote what I wanted to write.

Stay calm. Stay focus. Stay mindful.

Small big things

What are all the self-development blogs, books, vlogs, talks, methods used for, and why their popularity is still increasing? Why we are so crazy about the constant improvement of ourselves and everything around us? What is this holy grail of self-development? Well, in short, we want to be happy. Yeah, whatever that means. But really, what does it mean?   

If you happened to experienced a sudden feeling of fullness, maybe while sitting in a cosy armchair reading a favourite magazine and sipping steaming tea, or while having super tasty lunch with your bestie, or maybe when you’ve forgotten about the whole world while playing with your pet, you might get the point of what real happiness is.

Happiness is not created of super epic stuff like conquering the world. It’s rather like seeing the wonder in every little thing. True happiness resides in the realm of small things.

I’m sure you’ve heard about blue zones determined so by Dan Buettner. In his research, he identified the longevity „hotspots” of the world. The zones are Okinawa in Japan, Sardinia, Nicoya in Costa Rica, Icaria in Greece and the Seventh-day Adventists in Loma Linda, California. People living in these places share not only longevity but also a great sense of happiness. You must be wondering what a great secret lies behind it. Well, the trick is to live simple. People from those places share common lifestyle characteristics. Simplifying we can bring them to a sense of community, balanced diet and awareness of spirituality. Buettner breaks it down to nine following points:  

Moderate, regular physical activity

 Having a life purpose 

Controlling the level of stress 

Moderate caloric intake

Plant-based diet 

Moderate alcohol intake

Engagement in spirituality or religion

Engagement in family life and social life 

I can almost hear you thinking Is this for real? How the hell this can have such a significant impact on an overall sense of happiness? Well, the answer to this is that happiness is a very simple thing. Simple, but not easy. Like lots of things in our life which are simple, but not easy. Let me break this down for you: if you wanna lose weight you know what to do – you need the right diet and a dose of regular exercise. We can agree that this is simple. But…is it easy? We all know the answer.

Small things lead to great happiness

It seems to me that everything starts in gratitude. Happiness begins when we realize that there are so many things that we should thank the Universe.  How do I know? Because this is how I started my path to a better life. And you know what? Gratitude works, bitches.

Think, that there is somebody out there who is happy with less than you have. And think about all things you are grateful for, all the good things that happened to you, all amazing people you’ve met on your way, all chances that were given to you. And also think about all those opportunities and beautiful moments which are yet to come. Do not focus on all the material things you have, they are relevant, but not the most important. Of course, you should be grateful for them too, but turn your attention to what really matters. I’ve been getting rid of excess stuff for some time and I have to say that I feel good about it. I feel lighter. Still have many books, however those I know I won’t read again I donate to libraries. And perfumes, for which I have no excuse. But I won’t buy more. Promise.

My point is I do not own a lot of stuff. But I own lots of love for my boyfriend, my family, my pets and those few friends that I have. I own lots of joy with having a walk in the forest or with a glass of bordeaux in the evening. I own lots of passion for my favourite books, music, movies, art, poems. I own lots of satisfaction with my writing and drawing. I own lots of beautiful memories of great moments and great people. I own lots of hope and faith, and I own an incredible amount of dreams and goals that I know will be fulfilled. It’s so little and so much at the same time. 

I think having a goal is the basic driving force of everything.

To be happy you need to have a reason to get out of bed every day. This is another thing that people from the blue zone have in common – they never stop working, in a sense that they have bigger and smaller things to do. Everyday. Think about all those people, not only retirees, who lead aimless living filled at most with the waiting for the next episode of the TV series. Do you think they are happy? Well, how can you be happy being dead inside? Your goal, your mission is something personal, only you decide what it is. There’s no importance hierarchy here. For one it can be changing the world, for others creating something small but satisfying. 

We are all here for various reasons and they all are important.

 

First steps to your personal victory

Have you ever felt that your dreams overwhelming you? That they won’t fit in your life, that they are greater than your capabilities and strength? This is absolutely natural, as doubt is a bitch that sometimes coming as uninvited guest, sitting next to you and pushes on the sofa, drinks from your beer glass without permission and takes the remote control. But there is one good thing you should know – you are in control of your mind and you can kick out that ugly bitch out of your head.

You are in charge of your mind.

Someone said that if you can control your mind you can control everything. This is so true, so simple, so awesome and powerful. You must realize that everything starts in your head. Everything. To apply anything into your life you need to start from the thought. But to really make this magic works you need to support your thoughts with action. What if taking action scares and paralyzing you? Don’t panic, it’s totally ok.

Start small but dream big

When reality or thoughts about what you want to achieve overwhelm you, decide to start small. Don’t try to take everything right away and do not rush. Approach tasks and challenges with a calm mind. But first be clear on what you want to achieve. Simply as it is – to achieve your goals you need to have them defined, preferably in details. You need to know what you want and you need to focus on it.

If you don’t know where you are going, you won’t get anywhere

Why you need to be specific? We all know new year resolutions, right? Imagine that your goal was to loose weight. After a year the weight shows 99 kg and you weighed 100 kg year ago. Well, you achieved your goal, you’ve lost weight! But is this really a success? You know the answer. This is why when you set your goal be definite as much as you can. Until end of December I will loose 30 kg. Now, this looks like a plan. This is appropriately designated goal. This applies to everything – when you saying that you want to be fit, be happy, be successful, be healthier it actual means shit. Specify what being successful means to you – is it financial freedom that determines success? Social recognition or fame? Or maybe raising great children or creating art? Know what success means to you. Don’t get trapped in the abstract ‘shell words’.

Concrete and measurable goals are the basis. Write them down, describe them and specify the time you will need to achieve them. Think about your goals, imagine how you implement them. Start with one thing that will lead you to success and add next steps when you are ready. If something appear too hard think about it from different perspective. Imagine your goal or problem is a huge elephant which you have to eat – how will you do it? Bite at a time. It’s impossible to eat the whole elephant at once, but you can do it piece by piece. If your goal is big or difficult divide it to smaller parts and work on each part at the time.

With the right mindset everything is possible. You need to focus on your dreams, you must desire them like nothing else, you need to be crazy about them! Stay focus – don’t get distracted by things that don’t matter.

We attract the things we focus on. So focus on what you want. Build an attitude based on confidence and self believe. If you know deep inside you that you’ll win, Universe has your back 😉

The right mindset, the key to your personal success, lies in desire, inner harmony, focus, involvement and unwavering faith in your abilities.

As Henry Ford once said:

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right”

Rediscover Greatness

Until today I wouldn’t think that I’d start this blog. This was one of those quick, bright impulses in mind, that comes from who the hell knows where. I felt that I want to share something with you, and if witnessing my way to heal my life could help you anyhow, that will be the biggest award for my time spending on writing here. And rethinking and rewritig all these things will be therapeutic for me too.


You know what? There is Greatness in you. A real big deal. Perhaps, you had no chance to discover it yet, perhaps you were too busy with all bullshit that world throwed on you, so you couldn’t see it. Perhaps you believed in all those misleading ‘sooths’ about life, and that kept you away from seeing how amazing creature you are. Yes, you. Even if you think right now that you are one big human piece of dissapointment, regret and awkwardness and you are so fucked up, that there is nothing on this planet that could turn you into ‘decent’ individual.


You can unfuck whatever has been fucked up.


You were born pure and perfect. You were born to give and receive love. You were born to matter. There is not and never will be the same person as you. That’s already pretty awesome, don’t you think? Your thoughts, talents, skills, experience, dreams, perception of things making you someone really special. Even if you don’t see it in yourself now, there is something great deep inside you, something bigger than your flaws, insecurities and fears.

 It is greatness that allows you to understand and feel the world. Greatness that allows you create, dream, imagie and change.This blog is my diary of the patch that one needs to walk to discover this Greatness. It’s not a simple way. There is lots of shit around us and it is not always easy to see clearly through the prism of our painfull experiences. 


When we are born we don’t wonder if we are good enough, we don’t wonder if we deserve love, respect, appreciation. We don’t feel socialy awkward. We don’t think over and over again why we are such a loosers. We are born excellent, we are born ready to learn, to understand, to love, to delight and to struggle. Somewhere on our way we are forgetting all about that. Things happening and then we start to see everything through failure, rejection and fear. We start to feel unworthy and unimportant. We start to feel that our life doesn’t matter and we doesn’t matter either. We are loosing our willingness to do things. We are overwhealmed by responsibilities, debts, guilt and hopelessness. But let me tell you one thing:


It is up to you how your life will be 

There is this beautiful force, which everyone can posses. Ability to change. To fix. To unfuck.

No matter where you think you are on your life patch now – you can always do it. I’m not saying that this is easy, but it’s absolutely doable. If you change your thinking about yourself you will be able to see the Greatness in yourself.


Many years I worked in shitty jobs below my qualifications, just becaue I felt I’m not good enough to aply for something better. For years I drowned my fears and regrets in addictions. I had partners who didn’t respect me (for the simple reason that I didn’t respect myself) and friends who didn’t respect the way I wanted to be. I felt worse than almost anyone else I knew. I had constant feeling of being mismatched. I was judgmental and insecure. Very often I felt shame of being myself. On the other hand, somehow I knew that those negative feelings that was eating me alive, are not part of me, that real me is beyond that. But for long time I couldn’t separate myself from those pityful emotions. It took some time to understand that I am me, not my feelings, not my emotions or fears.


you are not what you feel

If you feel low it doesn’t mean that you are low person. If you feel unwothy it doesn’t mean that you are not worth the things you desire. If you feel anger it doesn’t mean you are bad person. If you feel scared it doesn’t mean that you’re coward. If you feel hopeless it doesn’t mean that there is no hope. 


Separate your feelings from the essence of yourself. Only this way you can start healing and discover your own greatness, your magnitude. Trust that there is place for you in this world, place where you can unlock all your potential, where you can be real.


 I know we all can find this place for ourselfs. Let’s start rediscovering our own Greatness.