“Real life is elsewhere!” a man in one of my favourite director’s movie, Koterski, exclaims, and I think – what a wonderful metaphor for how we often feel when we reach a certain age and suddenly it turns out that it is not what it was supposed to be. The phrase “real life” was still ringing out in my head, and I couldn’t help but wonder: Are we really immersed in the depths of our imaginations, waiting for this perfect life and we do not notice that it just flows past us, leaks through our fingers?
Is real life somewhere else?
It happens that we suddenly wake up and, looking at the time that has passed, start to wonder: is it all? This is really my life? We feel not only disappointment but also disbelief, because how could it happen that so many years have passed and nothing significant has happened? Why we are not who we want to be? Then we start to whip and blame ourselves for everything that did not happen.
You pay for delaying and pointless waiting with what will never happen, with what you will never experience.
Probably you know many people suspended in life waiting for IT. And by IT I mean anything: some girls waiting to be discovered by a powerful film director who can make them a star. Some guys are waiting for this special woman, but somehow she never knocks on their door. Some waiting for the right time when they can finally start doing THIS GREAT THING. This way we have many novels that are still in the minds of authors, not on paper and many businesses that will never be established. Then we also have a lot of grudges against the world.
Unless you reach for it yourself, no one will give it to you
Whatever happens in our lives and whatever not happening – both have a source within ourselves. There is nothing out there, no special force that will make it for us. You are responsible for all things that don’t happen. Taking on the burden of this responsibility is the first step to building your own efficiency.
Why the things we desire hasn’t happened yet? Why is the ideal scenario of our lives so different from what we really have in life? It’s important to answer that and be totally honest about it. Totally. Even if it were to hurt us deep inside.
The answer to this tends to be similar for many of us. It’s fear, a lack of importance, and a failure to assume 100% responsibility for our own lives. Without taking total responsibility for our lives, we can always blame something that did not work out on the circumstances or someone else and feel better about it. Only when we understand that we are in control of what happens or not can we begin to really live. Because what does not happen in our lives is also the result of our actions, just like what happens.
I’ll leave you here, with beautiful and wise words of Gurudeva Subramuniyaswami: “We must realize that every moment in our life, every joy and every sorrow, can be traced to some source within us. There is no ‘out there’ making it all happen. We make it happen or not happen according to the actions we perform, the attitudes we hold and the thoughts we think.”
I know a lot of people who are driven by a desire for success. Most of them, however, can’t even define what success means to them. It’s like the biggest priority in life, but they can’t even describe it. I’ve heard so many times people saying things like “I need to achieve something”, or ” I want to be someone”. Well, the first thing on your way to achieving your goals is to determine what you actually want.
What is the success you want?
Success is a very tricky word, and sometimes I feel that would be favourable if we could redefine it for ourselves. Success is something different for every human being because our inner structures are different from each other. Unfortunately, the stereotype that success is related to money, social standing and power still linger. But it doesn't have to be that way.
People don’t know what they want. They follow dreams of others; they fall into traps settled by social expectations or expectations of their loved ones. They are chasing a pattern of success set by other people, so even if they finally achieve it, they don’t feel happy neither fulfilled.
There is a reason for every one of us to be on this world. Fulfilling a person’s mission does not have to involve momentous things. Something that the world will not hear can also be a great success. Let’s not seek recognition in the eyes of other people, because everything we need to be happy is hidden deep within us. Let’s just look inside ourselves more often.
I had a friend who was obsessed with “achieving something”. I mean, she wanted social recognition so badly, that at some point it ceased to be important how would she achieve it. She struggled between opening ill-considered blogs and the Instagram pages where she wanted to become famous. Nothing worked as she wished. Why? After all, she was determined to be successful. Well, there was no direction in her chaotic activities. There was no vision.
Without vision, there is nothing.
As Stephen Covey wrote in his best-selling book, you need to begin with the end in mind. You need to have a vision which will influence your thoughts and actions. Knowing the direction in which you are going makes it easier to determine the itinerary.
Only specific actions aimed at specific goals can bring the intended effect. Otherwise, it is only drifting, bouncing off the banks.
Once we define our personal journey, we must realize that everything depends on us, on our proactivity. We must not fall behind in the phase of dreams and plans; we must take the first step, then the next and another.
It’s not enough to tell yourself – I want to be successful in life. You need to clearly define what this success supposed to be.
If you are struggling to define your vision, take it easy. The tension has never helped anyone. Start by reflecting on all the things you enjoy doing. Make a list of those things and a list of the things you dislike. Think about what makes you happy, what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning. Take a close look at your emotions. This is an excellent start to building the foundations of what you want to base your life on.
If you have a vision of your life, it defines you and your actions. Knowing where you are going makes you surely get there.
When life suck people tend to create illusion zones, where they feel safe. Sometimes they lead a double life – one in reality and the other one that happens only in their heads. Why this is not a great idea and why it doesn’t help to reduce ‘suckiness’? Because running into fantasies when life doesn’t work out is not the solution.
Did you noticed how often we put dreams aside, for later? For distant time when we will be ready – and this could mean anything – time when we’ll be perfect, less fat, or less busy. So we are waiting. But usually we are not becoming perfect 55 kg creatures with lots of spare time. Same, our dreams get dusty, and then we forget about them. Or worse – we transfer them to an imaginary sphere of fantasy. A place where nothing happens for real.
I have a friend who dreamed of becoming animator. He studied hard and got better and better every year. Some of his college tutors worked for amazing animation company – I mean really amazing – one of those guys you can see at Oscars Awards. As they knew him well, cause he also worked part time in a market beside their office, they offered him a possibility to join them – first as a trainee of course. Do you know what’s happened? He decided that he was not ready yet, because to join them he had to feel that he is perfect – otherwise they could see that he sucks. He abstained. It happened quite a few years ago and he never had a similar opportunity again. The lesson here? First – that some occasions happens only once in a lifetime.Second – never wait to be perfect – you won’tbe anyway! Waiting to become perfect hold you back from whatever you want to achieve. Instead, just go out there, make mistakes, learn, gain experience and work hard – this is how the path to success is paved.
Another thing that cuts our wings is that we are not commit to our goals 100%. We think that we dream big, but in fact we remain in our safe zone. We dream halfway, as if afraid of it. If you think seriously about your life and your goals you need to answer one question:
How bad you want it?
Are you ready to sacrifice your time and comfort to achieve it? Are you ready to loose something to get the thing you want? Do you want it so bad that you will agree to work hard while you could simply watch Dark on Netflix, or go out with your friends to this new fancy craft beer place? It is your choice, but keep in mind that sometimes success is about cutting back on pleasure in the present moment.
Psychologists and coaches talking about deferred gratification and it seems to me that ability to delay reward/pleasure is a key here. Without self-control and self-discipline, our dreams are houses of cards.
And I know how hard is to seat at the desk to work on your dream project while you’re tired as hell because you just back from your 8-hours shift in the office. I know that when you back home and see cozy armchair, soft blanket, favorite book beside, scented candle on the windowsill, cabinet filled with flavored tea you don’t wanna go out for a jogging, even if you promised to yourself that you will lose this jelly like substance coating your thighs. And I know that it seems almost impossible to grab that language manual just like you planned it, because in a fact you don’t need to know that fucking German to watch those tempting you tube tutorials on how to build bird houses. Or how to replant flowers. Or trees. Trust me – all these are more exiting than learning German.
If you tend to lose your motivation, simply feed it! Get a journal and write everyday about all your dreams, even those crazy ones, that seem unattainable. Make a list of your dreams, read them over and over again and reflect on them – let your mind soak through it! Hang some inspirational pictures and quotes on your wall, in your wardrobe, even on your bathroom mirror – let everything around remind you about what you standing for. Meditate and visualize your goals everyday – remember that everything in your life starts in your mind.
You become better only by doing things, not by waiting for them to happen
Better doesn’t mean perfect. Your life doesn’t need to be perfect so you can feel joy, fulfillment and excitement. Success is not a finished thing, but the whole road that leads to it. What defines your success should not be based on what you have, but on the actions taken. Sometimes you may feel totally unprepared, but take action anyway. Start acting before you feel ready – the rest will follow. If you expect the best, it flows to you.
When I opened my small natural skincare company I had no freaking idea how should I do it. But I had that concept I loved and I’ve done it anyway – it was total improvisation, but it worked at the end! Same with this blog – as English is not my first language I worried a bit it would be hard. Of course I could spend a countless time on improving my grammar skills and wait for become better at it – and you know what? Probably I would never write a single word here. I said to myself fuck it, I’ll do it anyway! And this is how most of great things on this world works – if you don’t know how to do it, don’t wait – improvise!
I’m sure many of us get trapped in vicious circle of ‘pursuit of success’ (whatever success mean to you). I notice that recently productivity is so trendy that there is no better answer than “busy”, if someone ask how are you? There would be nothing wrong with it, if not for the fact that by imposing too many things we are really moving away from what we want to achieve. When we can’t keep up with everything, we try to save time somewhere. Usually by cutting sleep. Same, we pay a high price, because lack of sleep is a grave sin.
According to National Institue of Neurological Disorders and Stroke quality sleep is as essential to survival as food and water. Therefore it’s really frightening that so many of us underestimate its salutary influence on the quality of life.
Are you in sleep debt?
Do you happen to not sleep enough few nights in a row, and sleep off over the weekend? Do you sometimes get an hour or two out of your sleep pool to finish something or watch something late at night? If so, I have bad news for you. Lost sleep cannot be simply made up. This debt – accumulation of lack of sleep from sleepless nights – is difficult to pay back. And it’s something more than a fatigue and difficulty concentrating. Why is it so?
First of all, we can’t just get the body accustomed to sleeping less. Even if you think that you are totally fine with your 5-hours sleep night, you may not be aware that you have a debt of sleep. It manifests itself in disordered metabolism of sugars and glucose and the beginning of any negative changes in the body.
The impact of sleep on our lives is multifaceted. Sleep is primarily a time to regenerate brain function. It also affects almost every type of tissue and system in the body.
With insufficient sleep, our body cannot function normally.
Lack of sleep disturbs certain biological mechanisms. I am talking about functioning of the immune and nervous systems and the operation of long-term memory.
You must sleep to work efficiently
According to Jerome Siegel, from University of California, evolutionary roots of sleep go much deeper. In his research he points out that sleep is primarily to increase the body’s energy efficiency, as well as to optimize time and strength. Due to the fact that we sleep, we are able to use the active phases of life more effectively.
Skimping on sleep can make more damage than we can imagine. Studies shows that the group of effects related to lack of sleep include: increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, obesity, loosing brain tissue, decrease in concentration and creativity, anxiety and depression.
Do you see how huge this is?
You can’t miss the connection from poor sleep with anxiety disorders especially in the Western world.
What happens when your brain does not sleep?
Quoting Mark Rosekind “Every aspect of who you are as a human, every capability is degraded, impaired, when you lose sleep. What does that mean? Your decision-making, reaction time, situational awareness, memory, communication, and those things go down by 20% to 50%.”
But wait, there’s more. On the top of that we can add distraction, brain spasm and brain damage, memory loss, creation of false memories, anger, neurosis, impaired wit, hallucinations.
By now you have realized that proper amount of sleep is vital to lead a healthy and fulfilled life. We cannot live up to our full potential if this area is somehow disturbed.
The importance of sleep in motivation and productivity is undeniable. Sleep is a very important thing on the road to success. But that’s not all, because in addition to sleeping, dreams are also significant.
Bare with me now, so I can lift the veil for you.
What's happening in our dreams can give us tips on important issues in life
Sleep and dreaming improves the ability to accurately analyze the situation and solve problems. It’s boosting creativity. This is illustrated by research done by prof. Robert Stickgold from Harvard Medical School. He woke up during the REM phase of sleep and asked them to provide associations connecting two words. He asked the same thing students who remained fully aware. It turned out that the first group gave less obvious and original associations. And according to him this is creativity in its pure form.
It is worth watching what we dream of because dreams are closely linked to what is happening in our lives.
According to Professor Mark Blagrove, the function of dreams is to alleviate the strong emotions we experience while awake and to train before events that may occur.
You can see more in dreams
Dreams draw our attention to what we may not see. Hidden fears, needs we are ashamed of – it can be anything.
Jung discovered that dreams reveal the cause of our disharmony and emotional anxiety, reveal hidden potential and brings a creative solution to everyday problems.
Dreams are the way to subconscious
Dreams often show what we do not allow into consciousness and satisfy the desires we suppress. By looking at our dreams we can understand ourselves on a deeper level.
It’s a good idea to keep a dream diary that you can analyze. If you are struggling with any problems this way will definitely prove helpful in solving them. Moreover, knowing that the subconscious is really ruling us, it is worth following what is going on in it.
The messages that dreams bring are needed for our development. We often dream about what we lack and what we need, and realizing this makes our path to fulfillment much easier.
Prioritizing sleep is the best you can give yourself
All this shows us how dangerous it is to neglect the sphere of sleep. Isn’t it great that such a simple and pleasant thing can have a significant impact on our lives? So sleep tight and hope your dreams come true! (only the good ones )
Your current life is the sum of your decisions once made. Whatever they were – right or wrong – if you made other decisions, your life would look completely different now. You can think about it in butterfly effect categories.
Every action taken leads to some effects, and the same applies to actions you never took.
Your day consists of 86400 seconds. Each separately may not mean much, but put together they create your decisions, successes, memories – your whole life. So stop underestimating your time. This is the most precious thing you have.
All your life depending on one decision – what you decide to do with the time you have.
So how to make the right choices?
You really thought I was going to tell you that? No, there’s no right answer here. There is only one thing you can be sure – your actions matter. Because you become what you do. Take action even if you are not sure what to do. Take action, even if it requires extra-human effort. Take action even if you will change your mind after some time. Your life quality depends on it.
There’s a bunch of people out there who never did anything because they were paralyzed by fear, uncertainty and perfectionism. At the end of the day, they don’t feel that fear anymore, they are sure that nothing bad will happen to them and they don’t need to be afraid of being imperfect – because they did not do anything! They gained nothing but an illusory sense of comfort that doesn’t lead to anything. If you want your life to be like a beautiful dream fuck that all and let yourself to feel that fear, let yourself to be imperfect! In the process of creating a big life, it will not have any meaning!
Comfort zone is a bitch
Things you could do doesn’t matter. What matters is what you really did. Trust me, I’ve been myself in that dreamland where are so many possibilities ( talents, occasions), but because of some mean higher power (perfectionism, fear of being judged, impostor syndrome – you name it), nothing ever happens.
Waiting for things to be perfect is like waiting for a last episode of those long TV series. It just never happens!
Whatever is the thing you want to do, but you’re afraid, start – even despite yourself. Then somehow it will go. If you’re terrified about all things that might go wrong, think about the worst-case scenario. Then imagine that it really happens. And how are you feeling about it? Not so great, but you’re still alive and the world did not end. So is it really worth wasting energy on worrying?
Image by Gerd Altman fromPixabay
Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do
Each of us has a set of features that distinguish him from others. Many factors contribute to success – mindset, personality, talents or the right moment. Not everyone can become a new Elon Musk, but anyone can become someone. If you are focused on what you lack, like money, acquaintances, a super-efficient body, or mathematical genius, you’ll never leave this vicious circle called „I can’t”. Instead of tormenting yourself with what you do not have, or cannot do, think about what you can do.
You can always be a better version of yourself. Don’t compare your life with people who succeed – everyone has a different background and things are different for each one. Do what you can do in the situation you are in now.
Value your time and energy
Think about the time and energy you have like you think about money. You don’t waste them on things you don’t need, you don’t give them away to anyone who asks for it, and usually, you plan to spend it, right? So why don’t you treat your time and energy in the same way?
When you wake up every day you have a certain amount of time and energy to dispose of. Don’t waste it. Don’t do things that lead nowhere. If you know what you want to achieve focus on it. Don’t get distracted by things you don’t feel like doing, but it’s hard for you to refuse. This applies to things and people. Sometimes, on a way to your dream life, you’ll learn that the most useful word is NO.
Because you will have to say ‚no’ to everything that takes you away from your goal.
However strange the title may seem, there are things in this world that just blow the mind. Even if you think that all theories that go beyond the standard understanding of the world are nothing more than urban voodoo, it is worth getting acquainted with them. The more that many of them draw from science. In the case of quantum physics, this science is not fully understood even by the scientists themselves.
Let’s cover the basics. Quantum physics is a theory describing the world in a different way than a classic physics. It describes a world that cannot be imagined, and only mathematics provides access to it. Interesting and bit scary, right? Don’t worry, even if you are not a mathematical genius, you can still absorb a fraction of this knowledge. This fundamental theory in physics describes physical properties of nature on an atomic scale. Foundations of quantum mechanics were established during the first half of the 20th century by Albert Einstein, Max Planx and Niehls Bohr among many others.
Fundamentals of quantum physics and observer awareness.
The first definition of QP is that space defines matter . In this context in Planck’s space (where quantities such as energy, angular momentum, etc., which we use to describe various objects, in particular elementary particles such as electrons or photons, are discrete) matter is anomaly and for this anomaly to arise the need for a conscious observer. It becomes real, the future begins to clear in front of observer eyes and becomes reality.
To understand it on deeper level we need to know more about construction of atom. Atoms are composed of a nucleus and one or more electrons bound to the nucleus. The nucleus is made of one or more protons and a number of neutrons. Protons and neutrons consist of so-called quarks and they are characterized by specific behavior in space.
All the information we are able to gather in the 4D world describes phenomena in this world and do not go beyond the area seen by the Hubble telescope. Possibly, in this 4D world different physics apply than in ours.
But what does it means for us? Simply, that we are living in energetic ‘suspension’, in an infinite amount of energy. Quarks vibrate in Planck spaces, with the right frequency. And this in turn means that our body is tuned to a certain frequency. I think you can see where it leads us to?
This concept describes the relationship between two bodies that interact or entangle with each other and quantum state of each particle of the pair or group cannot be described independently of the state of the others. Hence, we make a conclusion that our unique perception creates our reality.
As you can see we are dealing here with frequency, energy and perception. Those are forces you need to become aware of. Understanding them gives you ability to create your life and your reality in the way you want.
Quantum physics is probably the most complicated branch of modern science, so as a total amateur I don’t even want to try to go further. Everything I wrote above is just a small piece that will allow us to have a general idea. Especially about energy.
To put it simply – everything is energy and everything vibrates at different frequencies. Thoughts and emotions are energy too, and they also vibrate at the right frequencies. Vibration attracts vibration. Can you see how smoothly we have moved from quantum physics to the law of attraction?
So how to create dream reality using energy and law of attraction?Manifest it!
Everything starts with a thought. Imagination and emotions play other roles in this show. Then you need to trust, believe it and let it go. Leave your intention in a hands of Universe, or in a in the infinite quantum field.
Think of what you want. Imagine it – create that picture, once it is created in your head it already exists as an option. Visualize! Then involve your emotions, that’s very important – try to feel what you would feel if you already had it. Create faith and trust that your intentions will be fulfilled.
You have to tune in to what you want to attract
Here we have one more interesting thing taken from quantum physics that sometimes the effect precedes the cause… mindblowing, isn’t ?). So you see why it is so vital to focus your energy on a effect, to ‘imagine the effect’.
Emotion – movement & energy – a key to your transformation
I mentioned that emotions are also energy that vibrates at different frequencies. It should be noted here, that this frequency varies depending on the emotions felt. Emotions like love, inspirations or gratitude has high frequency, lower frequency concerns all unpleasant emotions.
Emotional energy manifests in the body in the form of physical sensations. In this way energy affects the body. It’s very easy to observe – depending on what you feel at the moment, your body behaves differently. When you stressed or in fear, you can feel sensations in your stomach, your throat contracts and hands are sweating. This is your body response to certain emotions. And notice what happen when you experience a pleasure emotions – joy, love, enthusiasm – your body reacts, but in a different way. Now, learning how to control emotions can help you control what is happening in your body. You’ve heard a lot about how stress kills, right? This is not exaggerated. When we are stuck in low-frequency emotions for too long, our body reacts by self-destruction. Imagine, what would happen if you live in constant feeling of pure love, gratitude, abundance? You’ll transform on many levels.
Everything is energy and everything is connected – body, mind, universe…
According to dr. Joe Dispenza, who is known for his research on heart and mind coherence, we can have control over what our future will be like. In his books he introduce us to idea of quantum.
“Thoughts are the electrical charge in the quantum field, and feelings produce a magnetic charge in the quantum field. And how you think and how you feel broadcasts electromagnetic energy that influences every single atom in your life. The thought send the signal out and the feelings draws the experience back to you (…) “-J.Dispenza
Dispenza claims that all possibilities exist as electromagnetic potentials in the quantum field. It exists only as a frequency and energy to tune in to. You can do it by meditation.
As you can see, the law of attraction and self-fulfilling prophecy can be seen from more scientific perspective. Are they the same thing? They are not, because they are based on different theories. The law of attraction is more related to quantum physics, to the theory that our material reality is energy, that we, also our thoughts, are the energy that creates the electromagnetic field. Self-fulfilling prophecy is a psychological term. This theory is based on research that shows how our attitude influences the effect, we achieve it and what happens to us.
None of them is magic, unless we consider magic, a phenomena that we do not fully understand.
Have you ever wondered what your life will look like in five, ten years? And do you remember that version of yourself from a few years ago, who wondered what it’s gonna be like in the future? What would you think of the person you are now, seeing yourself through the eyes of five or ten years younger you?
Most of us, unfortunately, would not be happy, and certainly there would be those whose such self-image would fill with horror. Why is it happening so often that we becoming someone we did not want to become?
Sometimes, despite being stuck in a situation that doesn’t suit us, we are not able to even change the state we are in. We forgetting about the dreams we once had, and we are not believing anymore that we can ever make them come true. We loosing ourselves in boring everyday life, we postponing life for later. As a result, we are not who we really would like to be, and we don’t do what we would like to do.
Have you ever experienced such a feelings? If you say yes, you know very well how much it sucks. And how difficult is to break free from it. However, it doesn’t mean that the changes are impossible, but before you try to make them, first try to find out why you stuck in this personal shit hole.
Once you realize what holds you back, you will be able to create and implement a dream vision of your life. And of yourself, because your life is reflection of what is happening inside you.
You are waiting for something that will happen by itself
Don’t we all waiting for some miracles? But you know what? Nothing will happen by itself! You don’t live in a fairy tale in which beautiful prince will come to save you and make you happy for the rest of your life. You are also not the lucky one from an old movie, where someone might notice your great talent and make you famous and rich. The only fairy you can count on in your life is YOU!
To get anything from life, you first have to give something of yourself. Perhaps some dedication, attention, time, patience and perseverance.
It depends only on you how your life will go. If you have a dream based on your passion, devote yourself one hundred percent to it, and it will definitely pay off. What is the thing that you really want to do? If you already know, I have one simple piece of advice: DO IT! Even if you have to start small and uncomfortable. Everyone started somewhere.
Lack of motivation and bad habits
Finding motivation is not easy, and maintaining it at the same level seems impossible at all. That is why it’s very important to develop proper habits. Achieving goals (we can also call them dreams) often requires tedious work, effort, dedication and time. Successful people go through this difficult path because they can control themselves. Self-discipline is the key. It might seems too simple, but just think about it: if you were able to control yourself to such an extent that every day, but absolutely every day, you would do the tasks you set for yourself (it could be anything: learning a language, training, playing the guitar, learning how to draw, programming, singing etc.), how far would you be today? By devoting some part of the time every day (or almost every day) and being systematic we are able to bring almost any skill to the master level. We just need to control our desire to switch to Netflix + pizza mode, which is not an easy matter.
Two deadly “P”
Procrastination and perfectionism are two words that you will have to cross out from your dictionary. Forever.
Procrastination, that is tendency to postpone everything, is the killer of our dreams. Be honest with yourself, how often you use a phrase that you’ll do something ‘another time’? Well, I will tell you one thing whatever your answer is. Too often. Another time is mythical land that doesn’t exist, is a cold space where dreams die. Another time it won’t be better, easier or otherwise. Another time there will be less time to do, what you can do now.
Next hideous ‘P’ is perfectionism, which often destroys our effort from the very beginning. When we start doing something, it is obvious that we are not perfect at it, and the awareness of it may deprive us of the motivation to try at all. We are not perfect even when we do something for a long time, and it does not mean that we do not do it right.
As Sheryl Sandberg said Done is better than perfect. You don’t need to be perfect to be great. You can achieve amazing things by being wonderfully imperfect. And this way is more fun too. It’s totally enough if you’re becoming better than yesterday, wherein you compete only with yourself, not with someone else.
Look at people who are successful in the field in which you would also like to do something, they are not perfect in what they do. Many great musicians having bumps on the stage, many writers creates things that are not always worth the Nobel prize, many active actors have a failed role in their achievements. None of them are perfect, but each of them is great. You can be too.
You are tired of life
You get up very early so you don’t won’t be late for work. Work you don’t like. You are in too much of a hurry to enjoy your morning coffee, and you quickly swallow breakfast, so that you “don’t waste” too much time – a time you want to use to do things that you don’t enjoy anyway. At work, you count the hours to the end. Returning home, instead of thinking about a free afternoon / evening, you think about all that you MUST do. Shopping, supplies, cooking, washing, setting up the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, replying to e-mails, calling the bank … over and over again. Well, to feel a bit better, please realize that you don’t have to do anything! Think in terms of choice rather than coercion.
If you’re burned out you don’t have the strength or even the desire to fulfill your dreams and goals. If you are tired, let it go and just relax. In the multitude of obligations that we often impose ourselves, it is very easy to lose a healthy approach to life. If you do not vacuum the apartment once, but instead you’ll be lounging in a hot bath reading the most inspirational novel, will something bad happen?
The above thoughts are the harvest of the fights with my own inner lazy demons, and it doesn’t mean that I won the fight. Sometimes I win, sometimes I loose. The fight is still going on. You know what helps me to keep going? To refresh my dreams from time to time, so I’ll never forget what I’m standing for.
What are all the self-development blogs, books, vlogs, talks, methods used for, and why their popularity is still increasing? Why we are so crazy about the constant improvement of ourselves and everything around us? What is this holy grail of self-development? Well, in short, we want to be happy. Yeah, whatever that means. But really, what does it mean?
If you happened to experienced a sudden feeling of fullness, maybe while sitting in a cosy armchair reading a favourite magazine and sipping steaming tea, or while having super tasty lunch with your bestie, or maybe when you’ve forgotten about the whole world while playing with your pet, you might get the point of what real happiness is.
Happiness is not created of super epic stuff like conquering the world. It’s rather like seeing the wonder in every little thing. True happiness resides in the realm of small things.
I’m sure you’ve heard about blue zones determined so by Dan Buettner. In his research, he identified the longevity „hotspots” of the world. The zones are Okinawa in Japan, Sardinia, Nicoya in Costa Rica, Icaria in Greece and the Seventh-day Adventists in Loma Linda, California. People living in these places share not only longevity but also a great sense of happiness. You must be wondering what a great secret lies behind it. Well, the trick is to live simple. People from those places share common lifestyle characteristics. Simplifying we can bring them to a sense of community, balanced diet and awareness of spirituality. Buettner breaks it down to nine following points:
Moderate, regular physical activity
Having a life purpose
Controlling the level of stress
Moderate caloric intake
Moderate alcohol intake
Engagement in spirituality or religion
Engagement in family life and social life
I can almost hear you thinking Is this for real? How the hell this can have such a significant impact on an overall sense of happiness? Well, the answer to this is that happiness is a very simple thing. Simple, but not easy. Like lots of things in our life which are simple, but not easy. Let me break this down for you: if you wanna lose weight you know what to do – you need the right diet and a dose of regular exercise. We can agree that this is simple. But…is it easy? We all know the answer.
Small things lead to great happiness
It seems to me that everything starts in gratitude. Happiness begins when we realize that there are so many things that we should thank the Universe. How do I know? Because this is how I started my path to a better life. And you know what? Gratitude works, bitches.
Think, that there is somebody out there who is happy with less than you have. And think about all things you are grateful for, all the good things that happened to you, all amazing people you’ve met on your way, all chances that were given to you. And also think about all those opportunities and beautiful moments which are yet to come. Do not focus on all the material things you have, they are relevant, but not the most important. Of course, you should be grateful for them too, but turn your attention to what really matters. I’ve been getting rid of excess stuff for some time and I have to say that I feel good about it. I feel lighter. Still have many books, however those I know I won’t read again I donate to libraries. And perfumes, for which I have no excuse. But I won’t buy more. Promise.
My point is I do not own a lot of stuff. But I own lots of love for my boyfriend, my family, my pets and those few friends that I have. I own lots of joy with having a walk in the forest or with a glass of bordeaux in the evening. I own lots of passion for my favourite books, music, movies, art, poems. I own lots of satisfaction with my writing and drawing. I own lots of beautiful memories of great moments and great people. I own lots of hope and faith, and I own an incredible amount of dreams and goals that I know will be fulfilled. It’s so little and so much at the same time.
I think having a goal is the basic driving force of everything.
To be happy you need to have a reason to get out of bed every day. This is another thing that people from the blue zone have in common – they never stop working, in a sense that they have bigger and smaller things to do. Everyday. Think about all those people, not only retirees, who lead aimless living filled at most with the waiting for the next episode of the TV series. Do you think they are happy? Well, how can you be happy being dead inside? Your goal, your mission is something personal, only you decide what it is. There’s no importance hierarchy here. For one it can be changing the world, for others creating something small but satisfying.
We are all here for various reasons and they all are important.
Have you ever felt that your dreams overwhelming you? That they won’t fit in your life, that they are greater than your capabilities and strength? This is absolutely natural, as doubt is a bitch that sometimes coming as uninvited guest, sitting next to you and pushes on the sofa, drinks from your beer glass without permission and takes the remote control. But there is one good thing you should know – you are in control of your mind and you can kick out that ugly bitch out of your head.
You are in charge of your mind.
Someone said that if you can control your mind you can control everything. This is so true, so simple, so awesome and powerful. You must realize that everything starts in your head. Everything. To apply anything into your life you need to start from the thought. But to really make this magic works you need to support your thoughts with action. What if taking action scares and paralyzing you? Don’t panic, it’s totally ok.
Start small but dream big
When reality or thoughts about what you want to achieve overwhelm you, decide to start small. Don’t try to take everything right away and do not rush. Approach tasks and challenges with a calm mind. But first be clear on what you want to achieve. Simply as it is – to achieve your goals you need to have them defined, preferably in details. You need to know what you want and you need to focus on it.
If you don’t know where you are going, you won’t get anywhere
Why you need to be specific? We all know new year resolutions, right? Imagine that your goal was to loose weight. After a year the weight shows 99 kg and you weighed 100 kg year ago. Well, you achieved your goal, you’ve lost weight! But is this really a success? You know the answer. This is why when you set your goal be definite as much as you can. Until end of December I will loose 30 kg. Now, this looks like a plan. This is appropriately designated goal. This applies to everything – when you saying that you want to be fit, be happy, be successful, be healthier it actual means shit. Specify what being successful means to you – is it financial freedom that determines success? Social recognition or fame? Or maybe raising great children or creating art? Know what success means to you. Don’t get trapped in the abstract ‘shell words’.
Concrete and measurable goals are the basis. Write them down, describe them and specify the time you will need to achieve them. Think about your goals, imagine how you implement them. Start with one thing that will lead you to success and add next steps when you are ready. If something appear too hard think about it from different perspective. Imagine your goal or problem is a huge elephant which you have to eat – how will you do it? Bite at a time. It’s impossible to eat the whole elephant at once, but you can do it piece by piece. If your goal is big or difficult divide it to smaller parts and work on each part at the time.
With the right mindset everything is possible. You need to focus on your dreams, you must desire them like nothing else, you need to be crazy about them! Stay focus – don’t get distracted by things that don’t matter.
We attract the things we focus on. So focus on what you want. Build an attitude based on confidence and self believe. If you know deep inside you that you’ll win, Universe has your back 😉
The right mindset, the key to your personal success, lies in desire, inner harmony, focus, involvement and unwavering faith in your abilities.
As Henry Ford once said:
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right”