One of the most significant things I realized in my adult life is that change is an indispensable part of everything, and you have to like it, or at least make peace with it, if you want to keep peace of mind. There’s only one thing certain in life – a change.
Opening up to change set you free.
We don’t like changes because we like the comfort of steady situations. We like it so much that this zone of comfort very often becomes our wall-free prison. As is the case with prisons, they do not allow for development and true freedom, even if their walls are made of fear and insecurity instead of bricks.
I’ve never liked changes myself. Watching how the world becomes a different place made me feel uneasy. Back then, If I only could, I would stop the time and live forever in the same surroundings and with the same people. The changes were so unpleasant for me that it was even obnoxious that my best friend dyed her hair from black to blonde. Probably for the same reason, I have worn the same looking black clothes for years. I think it has to do with the fear of passing away; but whatever we do, we won’t stop time. There are things that we will not change and which we have control over – it is a great relief to accept it. Being ok with the fact that we can’t control everything is freeing – sometimes we have to surrender to what the Universe brings to us.
It’s never too late
Sometimes we get so used to the role we play that it seems impossible to change. We create a picture of ourselves and stick to it for years. And yet we are changing with the world as well. I am not the same person as I was five, ten or fifteen years ago.
I am talking not only about everything that shaped our personality (because we can change it too!) but also about the choices that influenced where we are now.
I’ve made many decisions in my life; not all of them were right. Even when it comes to my professional career, I tried many things to quit and move on to something else after a while. Often it did not find approval of all my relatives, because according to most people, we should stick to a decision once made. As if evolving was inappropriate.
I studied literature and polish language, knowing I didn’t want to be a teacher. So I signed up for the journalism faculty. After my MA in Journalism and PR, I felt that I didn’t want to be a journalist at all. After that, I was doing a computer graphics course, but it didn’t appeal to me too much. Then I got caught up in the world of makeup, and then there was herbalism…even if today I do not want to develop further in these directions, each of these things gave me irreplaceable experience and knowledge. Who knows who I would be without it. It is possible that if I had not made changes, today I would be an unhappy Polish language teacher.
Each change takes time, but time will pass anyway, so don’t think that is too late for a change. Don’t think in terms of deficiency – that you are too old, too little gifted. If we assume that on average we need about five years to achieve a master level in something, then in one life we can make such significant changes at least several times.
There is nothing sadder than burying your dreams when you are middle-aged, with so many of empty years ahead of you.
What I want to say is that you don’t have to stay in one place if you feel you would be happier somewhere else. If you have been drawing your life with a red crayon so far, reach for the blue one if you want your future to be different than what you have so far! And never feel guilty about it!
Ambition can give meaning to life, but it can also take it away. It can add wings as much as it can clip them. How can we recognize if our driving ambition can be fatal? First, we need to know what drives our action.
Latin “ambitio” means a desire for recognition. We associate it with the desire to achieve success, goals, and development. And in fact, ambition is what motivates us, what makes us want more from life.
When does ambition start to be a problem?
When, despite the achieved goals, we still feel empty and unsatisfied, and we try to fill this void inside us with something from the outside – e.g. with recognition or splendour.
Excessive ambition is usually caused by comparing ourselves to others and wanting to prove that we are better or at least equally valuable. It is low self-esteem that makes us continuously prove something – to ourselves and others.
Timothy Judge, professor of management at the American University of Notre Dame, states in his research that
“(…) ambition was positively but weakly related to life satisfaction, there may also be negative consequences of ambition for individuals when a variety of dimensions of satisfaction are considered.” *
Psychology distinguishes three types of “I” – “real self”, “ought self” and “ideal self”. The imbalance in our interior leads to the growth of excessive expectations. Tory Higgins’ research has shown that the more discrepancies between them, the more problems. The divergence between the “real self” and the “ideal self” can lead to sadness, depression and burnout. On the other hand, the discrepancies between the “real self” and the “ought self” lead to shame, anxiety and fears.
It is an imbalance in our interior that leads to the growth of excessive expectations – to toxic ambition.
In its extreme form, ambition can be destructive. According to psychologist Sheri Johnson, excessive ambition is associated with the risk of bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.
Indeed, I can see this pattern among my friends or co-workers. I can see a lot of it in myself -the pursuit of the unsurpassed ideal. So many people broke their lives because their bar was set too high. You know this type of people – they are the ones who say “all or nothing”. If something spectacular was not achieved, they treated it 100% as a failure. And yet from 100% to 0%, there is a series of ninety-nine digits …Is the result not the highest, but on a level above average, also a loss? For many people, it is. And this is what we call a sick ambition. Great results, although far from perfect, do not satisfy them in the least. It’s like those kids at school who cry because they got A and not A +.
Excessive ambition is a way of dealing with complexes through overcompensation. We feel worthy only when we achieve something big.
The best solution to overcome the havoc caused by excessive ambition is to look inside yourself and cultivate who you are. At the opposite pole of sick ambition lies gratitude and self-acceptance. This is where you should direct your thoughts. It is also responding to internal motivation. Only what flows from within can fulfil ourselves. Only desire from within makes us strive in the direction we set for ourselves, not looking at external acceptance.
Each of us is different, and each of us has a different internal mission. Only we can answer what this mission is. So what you choose – the pursuit of recognition, or maybe something truer?
* (On the Value of Aiming High: The Causes and Consequences of Ambition )
I know a lot of people who are driven by a desire for success. Most of them, however, can’t even define what success means to them. It’s like the biggest priority in life, but they can’t even describe it. I’ve heard so many times people saying things like “I need to achieve something”, or ” I want to be someone”. Well, the first thing on your way to achieving your goals is to determine what you actually want.
What is the success you want?
Success is a very tricky word, and sometimes I feel that would be favourable if we could redefine it for ourselves. Success is something different for every human being because our inner structures are different from each other. Unfortunately, the stereotype that success is related to money, social standing and power still linger. But it doesn't have to be that way.
People don’t know what they want. They follow dreams of others; they fall into traps settled by social expectations or expectations of their loved ones. They are chasing a pattern of success set by other people, so even if they finally achieve it, they don’t feel happy neither fulfilled.
There is a reason for every one of us to be on this world. Fulfilling a person’s mission does not have to involve momentous things. Something that the world will not hear can also be a great success. Let’s not seek recognition in the eyes of other people, because everything we need to be happy is hidden deep within us. Let’s just look inside ourselves more often.
I had a friend who was obsessed with “achieving something”. I mean, she wanted social recognition so badly, that at some point it ceased to be important how would she achieve it. She struggled between opening ill-considered blogs and the Instagram pages where she wanted to become famous. Nothing worked as she wished. Why? After all, she was determined to be successful. Well, there was no direction in her chaotic activities. There was no vision.
Without vision, there is nothing.
As Stephen Covey wrote in his best-selling book, you need to begin with the end in mind. You need to have a vision which will influence your thoughts and actions. Knowing the direction in which you are going makes it easier to determine the itinerary.
Only specific actions aimed at specific goals can bring the intended effect. Otherwise, it is only drifting, bouncing off the banks.
Once we define our personal journey, we must realize that everything depends on us, on our proactivity. We must not fall behind in the phase of dreams and plans; we must take the first step, then the next and another.
It’s not enough to tell yourself – I want to be successful in life. You need to clearly define what this success supposed to be.
If you are struggling to define your vision, take it easy. The tension has never helped anyone. Start by reflecting on all the things you enjoy doing. Make a list of those things and a list of the things you dislike. Think about what makes you happy, what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning. Take a close look at your emotions. This is an excellent start to building the foundations of what you want to base your life on.
If you have a vision of your life, it defines you and your actions. Knowing where you are going makes you surely get there.
Not so long ago, I had a slight breakdown. It seemed to me that I no longer had room in my head for more thoughts. At the same time, space and time seemed to narrow – everything got less – everything except responsibilities, plans and things to do. My anxiety returned, I could no longer breathe, and slowly began spiralling into depression.
Be careful with recently so popular word – productivity -there is a monster inside.
There was a time when my diary was filled up with goals or things to do, to this level, that I didn’t have a minute to do anything outside of my schedule. Moreover, If I didn’t check out all things from a to-do list I felt unworthy.
Even if it gives you an illusion of fulfilment, a full calendar is not a definition of success. It becomes dangerous when we base our importance on what we have managed to do or achieve. Overlapping with too many responsibilities can lead to burnout. So can we talk about “tascoholism”? Yes, when we are only focused on the future and our life starts to be a nothing else but a project.
Planning is good and it’s good to have goals, but real life isn’t a list of goals to tick off. This approach cuts us off from being here and now. After all, the most important thing is to be present in your own life.
How not to fall into this productivity trap?
Let it go
Whatever it is – everything can wait. Close your diary and close your eyes. Find a peaceful place at this moment, inside yourself. Feel yourself here, in this space and time. Feel what it’s like to just be.
Now, do something for yourself. Something which will change your vibrations and take you from stress to pleasure. And most importantly – absolutely don’t feel guilty about it. There is time in life for work, for achievement, and for rest, which is equally important. Time for pure joy of being, most precious manifestation of life.
How I rescue myself from situations when I feel like drowning in reality? I choose some long novel, or a horror story (this is my weakness) and dedicate a few evenings only for myself, scented candles, herbal teas and immersion in reading. I don’t take phone calls and I don’t use social media. It’s only me and my small peaceful world. Sometimes I let my cat get inside 😉
Starting day from a great routine that includes meditation helps cope with any kind of stress. Making mindful mid-day stops is also a good idea. Try to find a few minutes between your daily tasks just to ventilate your mind, turn off for a while. Be aware of yourself and your emotions all the time. Pause during the day and notice what’s going on inside you. If you feel you need a break, that there’s too much of something, just do it. The world will not collapse.
And go outside
Nowadays we have lost our connection with nature, with the energy that flows through everything. We have forgotten that everything is one, that we are made of the same elements and come from the same source. Reconnecting to this source allows you to see everything as it is. Realize that you are a piece in the puzzle of the universe.
Notice the world around you – trees, plants, clouds, starry sky, moon, powerful sun, life-giving soil. You can draw energy from it. Sit on the ground, lean on a tree that has been here for hundreds of years and will continue to grow long after you are gone. Find this particular stillness which is the anchor for this moment. Isn’t it a great feeling – being a tiny part of something bigger. To me, night walk under the stars is the most purifying and building inner stability ritual. Unfortunately, clear, cloudless skies over Dublin are not often found.
Verify your priorities
Is everything on your to-do list so important that it can’t wait? Do you have to do all of these – start a business, enrol in another field of study, learn Portuguese, take a speed reading course, learn to play the violin, build an athlete’s body, write a book? Choose what matters to you and focus on it. Don’t get distracted – there will be time for everything.
I’ve noticed that lately when someone asks “how are you” it’s is in a good tone to respond “busy”. Is being a busy person the new definition of being a successful person? It sounds like bullshit. Wouldn’t it be better to be able to answer “I am calm, peaceful and in the right place”?
When life suck people tend to create illusion zones, where they feel safe. Sometimes they lead a double life – one in reality and the other one that happens only in their heads. Why this is not a great idea and why it doesn’t help to reduce ‘suckiness’? Because running into fantasies when life doesn’t work out is not the solution.
Did you noticed how often we put dreams aside, for later? For distant time when we will be ready – and this could mean anything – time when we’ll be perfect, less fat, or less busy. So we are waiting. But usually we are not becoming perfect 55 kg creatures with lots of spare time. Same, our dreams get dusty, and then we forget about them. Or worse – we transfer them to an imaginary sphere of fantasy. A place where nothing happens for real.
I have a friend who dreamed of becoming animator. He studied hard and got better and better every year. Some of his college tutors worked for amazing animation company – I mean really amazing – one of those guys you can see at Oscars Awards. As they knew him well, cause he also worked part time in a market beside their office, they offered him a possibility to join them – first as a trainee of course. Do you know what’s happened? He decided that he was not ready yet, because to join them he had to feel that he is perfect – otherwise they could see that he sucks. He abstained. It happened quite a few years ago and he never had a similar opportunity again. The lesson here? First – that some occasions happens only once in a lifetime.Second – never wait to be perfect – you won’tbe anyway! Waiting to become perfect hold you back from whatever you want to achieve. Instead, just go out there, make mistakes, learn, gain experience and work hard – this is how the path to success is paved.
Another thing that cuts our wings is that we are not commit to our goals 100%. We think that we dream big, but in fact we remain in our safe zone. We dream halfway, as if afraid of it. If you think seriously about your life and your goals you need to answer one question:
How bad you want it?
Are you ready to sacrifice your time and comfort to achieve it? Are you ready to loose something to get the thing you want? Do you want it so bad that you will agree to work hard while you could simply watch Dark on Netflix, or go out with your friends to this new fancy craft beer place? It is your choice, but keep in mind that sometimes success is about cutting back on pleasure in the present moment.
Psychologists and coaches talking about deferred gratification and it seems to me that ability to delay reward/pleasure is a key here. Without self-control and self-discipline, our dreams are houses of cards.
And I know how hard is to seat at the desk to work on your dream project while you’re tired as hell because you just back from your 8-hours shift in the office. I know that when you back home and see cozy armchair, soft blanket, favorite book beside, scented candle on the windowsill, cabinet filled with flavored tea you don’t wanna go out for a jogging, even if you promised to yourself that you will lose this jelly like substance coating your thighs. And I know that it seems almost impossible to grab that language manual just like you planned it, because in a fact you don’t need to know that fucking German to watch those tempting you tube tutorials on how to build bird houses. Or how to replant flowers. Or trees. Trust me – all these are more exiting than learning German.
If you tend to lose your motivation, simply feed it! Get a journal and write everyday about all your dreams, even those crazy ones, that seem unattainable. Make a list of your dreams, read them over and over again and reflect on them – let your mind soak through it! Hang some inspirational pictures and quotes on your wall, in your wardrobe, even on your bathroom mirror – let everything around remind you about what you standing for. Meditate and visualize your goals everyday – remember that everything in your life starts in your mind.
You become better only by doing things, not by waiting for them to happen
Better doesn’t mean perfect. Your life doesn’t need to be perfect so you can feel joy, fulfillment and excitement. Success is not a finished thing, but the whole road that leads to it. What defines your success should not be based on what you have, but on the actions taken. Sometimes you may feel totally unprepared, but take action anyway. Start acting before you feel ready – the rest will follow. If you expect the best, it flows to you.
When I opened my small natural skincare company I had no freaking idea how should I do it. But I had that concept I loved and I’ve done it anyway – it was total improvisation, but it worked at the end! Same with this blog – as English is not my first language I worried a bit it would be hard. Of course I could spend a countless time on improving my grammar skills and wait for become better at it – and you know what? Probably I would never write a single word here. I said to myself fuck it, I’ll do it anyway! And this is how most of great things on this world works – if you don’t know how to do it, don’t wait – improvise!
Have you ever wondered what was the biggest breakthroughs of modern science? Do you think that was the discovery of planets from outside the solar system, dark energy, nanocircuits, or maybe quantum machine? There are certainly many impressive findings we have heard of. But what about the discovery, which not everyone has heard, but which turned our world upside down a little? Because the revelation of neuronal cells in the heart certainly mixed up a little on our approach to us as a human species. Wanna know why? Keep reading, but I’m warning you – it might blow up your mind.
Neurocardiology and the brain-heart connection
Not so long ago, in 1991, dr J. Andrew Armour published Neurocardiology. In this book, he proved that the heart has a complex nervous system consist of 40 000 nerve cells. Four years later dr Ming He-Huang discovered that these cells are identical to those found in the brain. What does it mean? This is the point that all of this start to be very interesting. Simply, the heart and brain have electromagnetic communication and send information to each other. And the heart has its own memory! But this is not everything. The heart sends much more information to the brain than the brain to the heart, also can ignore some information flowing from the brain and make its own decision. Itlooks like the heart has its own intelligence.
Heart is the organ that receives, sends and processes information received by brain
Many cases have documented people who started behaving differently after heart transplantation. It turns out that heart is a ‚storage’ for some information, and they can affect a person who received a new heart.
There are many amazing stories associated with the change in some aspects of the human personality after transplantation. There was a case of a homosexual woman, carnivore, who suddenly started date man and stopped eat meat. I don’t have to tell you that transplanted heart belonged to heterosexual vegetarian girl? Same happens to a man who received a heart of a man who committed suicide. Not only he married a widow (they felt in love right after they’ve met) but similarly ended his life. There was also an astounding case of a teenager whose new heart belonged to the murdered girl. The new heart owner began to have nightmares – based on a memory portrait the murderer of the heart donor was captured. It was a face from the teenager’s dreams.
Where does the soul live?Neuroscience confirms what the ancients believed
We have always been looking for the soul habitat, the immaterial element or, in other words, divine energy in the human body. Lucretius, ancient Roman philosopher and poet, as one of the first, put a soul in the heart. Also, the ancient Greeks believed that the soul lives in the heart. In Ancient Egypt, heart was not only the home of the soul but also a habitat of emotions and will. According to Hindu beliefs, the heart enabled contact with Brahman (Absolute) and was the seat of his opposition to Atman (self/ego). Ancient Buddhists and Aztecs also placed feelings and intellect the hearts.
How did they know what we had learned relatively recently? (And for what we needed complicated tools and vast knowledge, which we reached for centuries).
It’s amazing how much wisdom lies in ancient beliefs. Today we use science to discover the same things that were explained to the ancients through the prism of spirituality. Maybe it’s worth drawing from both sources?
As research shows our health and life is affected by whether there is harmony between the heart and the brain. A coherence, state of optimal functioning. The heart generates the largest in the human body rhythmic magnetic field and this field can be measured. Coherence is a smooth, sine-wave-like pattern in the heart rate variability trace. All comes down to the emotions we experience – they directly affect our heart rhythm pattern. Every emotion sends a very different signal throughout our body and this is why it’s so important to learn control what we feel. Stress, anger, sadness, jealousy destroy harmony and lead to disturbances in the functioning of the body. Positive emotions strengthen coherence, lead us on the path of harmony.
Does this remind you of some Buddhist truths? After all, the right emotions are part of the Noble Eightfold Path.
An emotional shift is a key element of the techniques which allow us to create harmony between mind and body. And since we know about this amazing, electromagnetic ‚messenger’ that our brain and heart use, we can understand it on a deeper level. For the starter, we need to learn how to generate positive emotions within ourselves. Even if it seems impossible for some, we can trigger our emotional state whenever we want. All comes down to practice.
So how to shift emotional state?
Meditation and practising gratitude will be helpful here. First, you need to find that peaceful place within yourself. If you cannot find it, create it. Visualize, let imagination and good memories help. Once you have that safe place you can always back to it whenever you feel endangered.
Keep in mind all things you are grateful for. Do you think you have too little? I can tell you that there is someone out there who is happy having less than you have.
Practice awareness. Whenever you start to feel negative emotions, press the ‚cancel key’. Correct any unpleasant thoughts with positive thoughts. Keep doing this until you feel better.
To change your emotional state you can also adjust your body posture. As you know everything is connected, hence your body posture affects how you feel in the same way how your feeling affects your body posture. Not bad at all.
Once you master these basics, you will be able to evoke positive emotions on demand. And all because we are such great machine that we can program ourselves! All you need is already inside you.
However strange the title may seem, there are things in this world that just blow the mind. Even if you think that all theories that go beyond the standard understanding of the world are nothing more than urban voodoo, it is worth getting acquainted with them. The more that many of them draw from science. In the case of quantum physics, this science is not fully understood even by the scientists themselves.
Let’s cover the basics. Quantum physics is a theory describing the world in a different way than a classic physics. It describes a world that cannot be imagined, and only mathematics provides access to it. Interesting and bit scary, right? Don’t worry, even if you are not a mathematical genius, you can still absorb a fraction of this knowledge. This fundamental theory in physics describes physical properties of nature on an atomic scale. Foundations of quantum mechanics were established during the first half of the 20th century by Albert Einstein, Max Planx and Niehls Bohr among many others.
Fundamentals of quantum physics and observer awareness.
The first definition of QP is that space defines matter . In this context in Planck’s space (where quantities such as energy, angular momentum, etc., which we use to describe various objects, in particular elementary particles such as electrons or photons, are discrete) matter is anomaly and for this anomaly to arise the need for a conscious observer. It becomes real, the future begins to clear in front of observer eyes and becomes reality.
To understand it on deeper level we need to know more about construction of atom. Atoms are composed of a nucleus and one or more electrons bound to the nucleus. The nucleus is made of one or more protons and a number of neutrons. Protons and neutrons consist of so-called quarks and they are characterized by specific behavior in space.
All the information we are able to gather in the 4D world describes phenomena in this world and do not go beyond the area seen by the Hubble telescope. Possibly, in this 4D world different physics apply than in ours.
But what does it means for us? Simply, that we are living in energetic ‘suspension’, in an infinite amount of energy. Quarks vibrate in Planck spaces, with the right frequency. And this in turn means that our body is tuned to a certain frequency. I think you can see where it leads us to?
This concept describes the relationship between two bodies that interact or entangle with each other and quantum state of each particle of the pair or group cannot be described independently of the state of the others. Hence, we make a conclusion that our unique perception creates our reality.
As you can see we are dealing here with frequency, energy and perception. Those are forces you need to become aware of. Understanding them gives you ability to create your life and your reality in the way you want.
Quantum physics is probably the most complicated branch of modern science, so as a total amateur I don’t even want to try to go further. Everything I wrote above is just a small piece that will allow us to have a general idea. Especially about energy.
To put it simply – everything is energy and everything vibrates at different frequencies. Thoughts and emotions are energy too, and they also vibrate at the right frequencies. Vibration attracts vibration. Can you see how smoothly we have moved from quantum physics to the law of attraction?
So how to create dream reality using energy and law of attraction?Manifest it!
Everything starts with a thought. Imagination and emotions play other roles in this show. Then you need to trust, believe it and let it go. Leave your intention in a hands of Universe, or in a in the infinite quantum field.
Think of what you want. Imagine it – create that picture, once it is created in your head it already exists as an option. Visualize! Then involve your emotions, that’s very important – try to feel what you would feel if you already had it. Create faith and trust that your intentions will be fulfilled.
You have to tune in to what you want to attract
Here we have one more interesting thing taken from quantum physics that sometimes the effect precedes the cause… mindblowing, isn’t ?). So you see why it is so vital to focus your energy on a effect, to ‘imagine the effect’.
Emotion – movement & energy – a key to your transformation
I mentioned that emotions are also energy that vibrates at different frequencies. It should be noted here, that this frequency varies depending on the emotions felt. Emotions like love, inspirations or gratitude has high frequency, lower frequency concerns all unpleasant emotions.
Emotional energy manifests in the body in the form of physical sensations. In this way energy affects the body. It’s very easy to observe – depending on what you feel at the moment, your body behaves differently. When you stressed or in fear, you can feel sensations in your stomach, your throat contracts and hands are sweating. This is your body response to certain emotions. And notice what happen when you experience a pleasure emotions – joy, love, enthusiasm – your body reacts, but in a different way. Now, learning how to control emotions can help you control what is happening in your body. You’ve heard a lot about how stress kills, right? This is not exaggerated. When we are stuck in low-frequency emotions for too long, our body reacts by self-destruction. Imagine, what would happen if you live in constant feeling of pure love, gratitude, abundance? You’ll transform on many levels.
Everything is energy and everything is connected – body, mind, universe…
According to dr. Joe Dispenza, who is known for his research on heart and mind coherence, we can have control over what our future will be like. In his books he introduce us to idea of quantum.
“Thoughts are the electrical charge in the quantum field, and feelings produce a magnetic charge in the quantum field. And how you think and how you feel broadcasts electromagnetic energy that influences every single atom in your life. The thought send the signal out and the feelings draws the experience back to you (…) “-J.Dispenza
Dispenza claims that all possibilities exist as electromagnetic potentials in the quantum field. It exists only as a frequency and energy to tune in to. You can do it by meditation.
As you can see, the law of attraction and self-fulfilling prophecy can be seen from more scientific perspective. Are they the same thing? They are not, because they are based on different theories. The law of attraction is more related to quantum physics, to the theory that our material reality is energy, that we, also our thoughts, are the energy that creates the electromagnetic field. Self-fulfilling prophecy is a psychological term. This theory is based on research that shows how our attitude influences the effect, we achieve it and what happens to us.
None of them is magic, unless we consider magic, a phenomena that we do not fully understand.
I bet you know this kind of people (they are not uncommon) – those who have an excuse for everything. Those who are super talented, but the world underestimated their genius. Those who are so special, but the rest of the people does not recognize their uniqueness. Those, who could not fully develop because of inappropriate parents, mean teachers, nomenclature, circumstances, lack of money and connections…They live in their imaginary bubble as a tragic unfulfilled victims of unjust world.
That’s all bullshit. Do you know why? Because the only things that matter are effects.
Nobody will ever care that you were born with the ability of singing on a six-point scale (because that’s what the music teacher said when you were 10) if you don’t start doing something to use it. Nobody will ever care that you have had this amazing writing talent, and possibly to become a new Proust of your generation. You know why? Because you never dare to write anything more than a school essay or a facebook post! Same, nobody gives a shit that if you trained hard enough, you could become a great athlete, or if you spend more time on your drawing, you could become well paid artist.
No one cares about unused talent.NO ONE. SERIOUSLY.
Do you often see such people, mostly your age or slightly older, they can talk for hours over a drink about what they could achieve in life. How special they were. They criticize a song on the radio because they would play this riff better (but they don’t play, and they never will). They say in drunken manner: If only you could hear me playing the guitar in college, with such talent I could play in a band! Yes. You could. But you didn’t. Same like you didn’t write that amazing novel which would be better than anything Gaiman wrote. Or like you’ve never started that business – you know, the one you like to talk about for last five years – that unique idea which you came up with because you are more inventive than others.
What count is what you did, not what you could do.
It’s very easy to become an ageing sad man. You know what’s not easy? Effort.
We all were born with special gifts and talents, but only successful ones put an effort into developing their talents.
Effort is not easy, hard work, commitment and uncomfortable choices are not easy. Spending evening hours finishing your first book chapter is not easy. But it is effective. Jogging in the rain while your flatmates drinking beer and watching Netflix is not easy, but this is the way which is effective if you want to take part in a marathon. What is easy? Saying that you could done all of this better, but circumstances were not favorable.
Probably such pathetic talks about ‘what undiscovered talent I am’ can improve mood for a moment. But life is not a movie in which we can wait for someone to discover us. Sorry for the brutal truth, but you need to make an effort, you need to work to actually get what you want. There is no genie in your life that will fulfill your wish in a split second. In fairness, it happened that one of my girlfriends married her dream’s millionaire, and thus her fairy tale came true. But if you think it happened all of a sudden and like in a fairy tale, you’re wrong – she had to date dozens of assholes before that 😉
Regret is probably one of the most destructive feelings, hence it is so easy to find excuses for everything we’ve fucked up. Or what we didn’t screw up because we didn’t even start doing it. We are creatures that are ruled by ego, so for our failures we most often blame everything else or the world around us. We don’t wanna feel that regret, because it’s awful! It’s so much better to feel like a victim of unjust circumstances. Still not great, but bit better. Because guilt for missed opportunities is the worst. If our life did not succeed, of course, we would prefer it was someone’s fault. If we have to be losers let’s be losers not by our own fault.
We decide what happens in our lives. We are responsible for our choices, for what we spend time and money on, for what kind of people we hang out. So decide for yourself that you never will be that person who moaning about who could he/she be if …(put an excuse here).