Probably you have a bunch of dreams that you wish to come true and probably you’ve set up your goals while ago. But months, years passing and you are not even near there. Why is that? Why, despite the huge ambitions and even bigger resolutions, you are still in the place you don’t want to be? Why do you still feel like you are sitting on the bench during the match of your life? It’s not because you’re too lazy or too stupid. It’s because you’re doing too many things that drive you away from the goal.
Stop talking and start doing
People talks, people love taking and this is ok. The problem is that in most cases they talk more than they do. I have a friend who always says action, not talking. And this is the essence of what you have to hold onto to get something valid in your life.
I know many people who love to talk about their achievements, even if a bigger part of those exist only in their heads, or on social media bio. You know, athletes with obesity, writers without a book or businessmen without a business. They live a success that has not yet happened.
People sometimes deceive themselves to feel better or add a certain “surplus” to their lives to improve their image in the eyes of themselves and others. They telling you that they work on some big business project, but in fact, they just scrolling through Forbes articles all day. They’re telling you how amazing their new business website will look, but the only thing they manage to do is upload another selfie on Instagram.
What things you’re doing to not achieve your goals?
Lots of these issues come to motivation, but you know – motivation directed in the wrong way. Because sometimes you can be more motivated to eat a cake than to do yoga, am I right?
Look at your average day, everything you do and spend your time on. What are the things you are not doing to get a dream job, more money or a better relationship?
Achieving your goals will be very difficult until you define that one thing: what drives you towards the goal and what pulls you in a different direction.
Why doesn’t anything change?
You get in your life what you focus on. Fulfilling yourself is difficult when your attention is drawn to the things that stand in the way of achieving your goal.
Sometimes you can avoid doing certain things because you are scared; you scared of the outcome, you’re afraid it won’t come out the way you want it to. When I’m right before ending a writing project I’m terrified that I will blow it. So I start to cook dumplings or learn to bake a cake, which I never normally do. Just to avoid doing the right thing, because I’m afraid it won’t turn out the way it should.
You see my point here. If I want to be a writer, I must focus on writing, not training my culinary skills. This applies to all of us. If you dream of a specific goal, do what will bring you closer to it, not distance it.
What you don’t do to achieve your goal is all that involves sabotaging yourself. It’s your lack of persistence and effort avoidance. Everything you neglect and put aside. All the days that you say, “I’ll start tomorrow”.
In Mann’s “Magic Mountain” young Hans looks at the family memento on which the names of his ancestors are engraved: father, grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather and so on…His mind is slipping out of the present. Time acquires a different dimension, more tangible, yet fleeting. This is the essence of our being – we are like bubbles appearing on the surface of boiling water only for a short moment; we disappear quickly, but are we really? After all, we are making up this boiling water.
We are part of something bigger, something that we cannot comprehend
Our life depends on what meaning we give to it. We are only a tiny part of the universe, but each mechanism is made up of small parts that interact with each other. Every particle matters.
What is your reason for being?
During your life, you change, grow up, learn, evolve. It is not uncommon that you are completely reinventing yourself at some point. Sometimes it may seem that you are completely different than you were years ago. That’s good. It just means your journey continues.
You don't have to be a fully formed individual by reaching some age defined by social standards. Forget about it. You are closest to the essence of reality and your purpose as you grow, develop and change.
That’s why it’s so important to look inside yourself.
I’ve always partially known why I was here, in this world. Which does not mean that I was doing anything in that direction. Because sometimes, even if you have glimpses of what you would like to do with your great goal, you are scared, insecure, and full of doubts.
So you procrastinate, you tell yourself that you are not ready yet (ha! you never will), you wait until you become better, more experienced, perfect. You are paralyzed by how other people perceive the thing you want to do. And so years go by and it’s getting harder and harder to get started.
I knew my purpose (well, a bigger part of it) a long time ago. It took me many years to do anything to orient my life in a direction that I wanted for myself.
I was afraid that I will suck at it.
But I’ll tell you one thing – don’t be afraid to suck. We all do sometimes. I think one of the greatest life skills is to know how to deal with rejection.
One of the most widely read writers of our time, Stephen King has often talked about how his work was rejected by publishing houses and magazines. He hung each refusal on a nail on the wall at his desk and continued to work. When asked for advice on how to finally achieve success, he said: You need a bigger nail.
Because success is a bigger process and refusal is a part of this process.
Try to find that sacred place within yourself, a place where divine part of Universe whispers to you in a language you understand only. While listening to that voice, start doing your part. Even if sometimes you will suck at it. This is the way of things – you learn all the time. At some point, this suckiness will turn into something miraculous.
When life suck people tend to create illusion zones, where they feel safe. Sometimes they lead a double life – one in reality and the other one that happens only in their heads. Why this is not a great idea and why it doesn’t help to reduce ‘suckiness’? Because running into fantasies when life doesn’t work out is not the solution.
Did you noticed how often we put dreams aside, for later? For distant time when we will be ready – and this could mean anything – time when we’ll be perfect, less fat, or less busy. So we are waiting. But usually we are not becoming perfect 55 kg creatures with lots of spare time. Same, our dreams get dusty, and then we forget about them. Or worse – we transfer them to an imaginary sphere of fantasy. A place where nothing happens for real.
I have a friend who dreamed of becoming animator. He studied hard and got better and better every year. Some of his college tutors worked for amazing animation company – I mean really amazing – one of those guys you can see at Oscars Awards. As they knew him well, cause he also worked part time in a market beside their office, they offered him a possibility to join them – first as a trainee of course. Do you know what’s happened? He decided that he was not ready yet, because to join them he had to feel that he is perfect – otherwise they could see that he sucks. He abstained. It happened quite a few years ago and he never had a similar opportunity again. The lesson here? First – that some occasions happens only once in a lifetime.Second – never wait to be perfect – you won’tbe anyway! Waiting to become perfect hold you back from whatever you want to achieve. Instead, just go out there, make mistakes, learn, gain experience and work hard – this is how the path to success is paved.
Another thing that cuts our wings is that we are not commit to our goals 100%. We think that we dream big, but in fact we remain in our safe zone. We dream halfway, as if afraid of it. If you think seriously about your life and your goals you need to answer one question:
How bad you want it?
Are you ready to sacrifice your time and comfort to achieve it? Are you ready to loose something to get the thing you want? Do you want it so bad that you will agree to work hard while you could simply watch Dark on Netflix, or go out with your friends to this new fancy craft beer place? It is your choice, but keep in mind that sometimes success is about cutting back on pleasure in the present moment.
Psychologists and coaches talking about deferred gratification and it seems to me that ability to delay reward/pleasure is a key here. Without self-control and self-discipline, our dreams are houses of cards.
And I know how hard is to seat at the desk to work on your dream project while you’re tired as hell because you just back from your 8-hours shift in the office. I know that when you back home and see cozy armchair, soft blanket, favorite book beside, scented candle on the windowsill, cabinet filled with flavored tea you don’t wanna go out for a jogging, even if you promised to yourself that you will lose this jelly like substance coating your thighs. And I know that it seems almost impossible to grab that language manual just like you planned it, because in a fact you don’t need to know that fucking German to watch those tempting you tube tutorials on how to build bird houses. Or how to replant flowers. Or trees. Trust me – all these are more exiting than learning German.
If you tend to lose your motivation, simply feed it! Get a journal and write everyday about all your dreams, even those crazy ones, that seem unattainable. Make a list of your dreams, read them over and over again and reflect on them – let your mind soak through it! Hang some inspirational pictures and quotes on your wall, in your wardrobe, even on your bathroom mirror – let everything around remind you about what you standing for. Meditate and visualize your goals everyday – remember that everything in your life starts in your mind.
You become better only by doing things, not by waiting for them to happen
Better doesn’t mean perfect. Your life doesn’t need to be perfect so you can feel joy, fulfillment and excitement. Success is not a finished thing, but the whole road that leads to it. What defines your success should not be based on what you have, but on the actions taken. Sometimes you may feel totally unprepared, but take action anyway. Start acting before you feel ready – the rest will follow. If you expect the best, it flows to you.
When I opened my small natural skincare company I had no freaking idea how should I do it. But I had that concept I loved and I’ve done it anyway – it was total improvisation, but it worked at the end! Same with this blog – as English is not my first language I worried a bit it would be hard. Of course I could spend a countless time on improving my grammar skills and wait for become better at it – and you know what? Probably I would never write a single word here. I said to myself fuck it, I’ll do it anyway! And this is how most of great things on this world works – if you don’t know how to do it, don’t wait – improvise!
Your current life is the sum of your decisions once made. Whatever they were – right or wrong – if you made other decisions, your life would look completely different now. You can think about it in butterfly effect categories.
Every action taken leads to some effects, and the same applies to actions you never took.
Your day consists of 86400 seconds. Each separately may not mean much, but put together they create your decisions, successes, memories – your whole life. So stop underestimating your time. This is the most precious thing you have.
All your life depending on one decision – what you decide to do with the time you have.
So how to make the right choices?
You really thought I was going to tell you that? No, there’s no right answer here. There is only one thing you can be sure – your actions matter. Because you become what you do. Take action even if you are not sure what to do. Take action, even if it requires extra-human effort. Take action even if you will change your mind after some time. Your life quality depends on it.
There’s a bunch of people out there who never did anything because they were paralyzed by fear, uncertainty and perfectionism. At the end of the day, they don’t feel that fear anymore, they are sure that nothing bad will happen to them and they don’t need to be afraid of being imperfect – because they did not do anything! They gained nothing but an illusory sense of comfort that doesn’t lead to anything. If you want your life to be like a beautiful dream fuck that all and let yourself to feel that fear, let yourself to be imperfect! In the process of creating a big life, it will not have any meaning!
Comfort zone is a bitch
Things you could do doesn’t matter. What matters is what you really did. Trust me, I’ve been myself in that dreamland where are so many possibilities ( talents, occasions), but because of some mean higher power (perfectionism, fear of being judged, impostor syndrome – you name it), nothing ever happens.
Waiting for things to be perfect is like waiting for a last episode of those long TV series. It just never happens!
Whatever is the thing you want to do, but you’re afraid, start – even despite yourself. Then somehow it will go. If you’re terrified about all things that might go wrong, think about the worst-case scenario. Then imagine that it really happens. And how are you feeling about it? Not so great, but you’re still alive and the world did not end. So is it really worth wasting energy on worrying?
Image by Gerd Altman fromPixabay
Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do
Each of us has a set of features that distinguish him from others. Many factors contribute to success – mindset, personality, talents or the right moment. Not everyone can become a new Elon Musk, but anyone can become someone. If you are focused on what you lack, like money, acquaintances, a super-efficient body, or mathematical genius, you’ll never leave this vicious circle called „I can’t”. Instead of tormenting yourself with what you do not have, or cannot do, think about what you can do.
You can always be a better version of yourself. Don’t compare your life with people who succeed – everyone has a different background and things are different for each one. Do what you can do in the situation you are in now.
Value your time and energy
Think about the time and energy you have like you think about money. You don’t waste them on things you don’t need, you don’t give them away to anyone who asks for it, and usually, you plan to spend it, right? So why don’t you treat your time and energy in the same way?
When you wake up every day you have a certain amount of time and energy to dispose of. Don’t waste it. Don’t do things that lead nowhere. If you know what you want to achieve focus on it. Don’t get distracted by things you don’t feel like doing, but it’s hard for you to refuse. This applies to things and people. Sometimes, on a way to your dream life, you’ll learn that the most useful word is NO.
Because you will have to say ‚no’ to everything that takes you away from your goal.
However strange the title may seem, there are things in this world that just blow the mind. Even if you think that all theories that go beyond the standard understanding of the world are nothing more than urban voodoo, it is worth getting acquainted with them. The more that many of them draw from science. In the case of quantum physics, this science is not fully understood even by the scientists themselves.
Let’s cover the basics. Quantum physics is a theory describing the world in a different way than a classic physics. It describes a world that cannot be imagined, and only mathematics provides access to it. Interesting and bit scary, right? Don’t worry, even if you are not a mathematical genius, you can still absorb a fraction of this knowledge. This fundamental theory in physics describes physical properties of nature on an atomic scale. Foundations of quantum mechanics were established during the first half of the 20th century by Albert Einstein, Max Planx and Niehls Bohr among many others.
Fundamentals of quantum physics and observer awareness.
The first definition of QP is that space defines matter . In this context in Planck’s space (where quantities such as energy, angular momentum, etc., which we use to describe various objects, in particular elementary particles such as electrons or photons, are discrete) matter is anomaly and for this anomaly to arise the need for a conscious observer. It becomes real, the future begins to clear in front of observer eyes and becomes reality.
To understand it on deeper level we need to know more about construction of atom. Atoms are composed of a nucleus and one or more electrons bound to the nucleus. The nucleus is made of one or more protons and a number of neutrons. Protons and neutrons consist of so-called quarks and they are characterized by specific behavior in space.
All the information we are able to gather in the 4D world describes phenomena in this world and do not go beyond the area seen by the Hubble telescope. Possibly, in this 4D world different physics apply than in ours.
But what does it means for us? Simply, that we are living in energetic ‘suspension’, in an infinite amount of energy. Quarks vibrate in Planck spaces, with the right frequency. And this in turn means that our body is tuned to a certain frequency. I think you can see where it leads us to?
This concept describes the relationship between two bodies that interact or entangle with each other and quantum state of each particle of the pair or group cannot be described independently of the state of the others. Hence, we make a conclusion that our unique perception creates our reality.
As you can see we are dealing here with frequency, energy and perception. Those are forces you need to become aware of. Understanding them gives you ability to create your life and your reality in the way you want.
Quantum physics is probably the most complicated branch of modern science, so as a total amateur I don’t even want to try to go further. Everything I wrote above is just a small piece that will allow us to have a general idea. Especially about energy.
To put it simply – everything is energy and everything vibrates at different frequencies. Thoughts and emotions are energy too, and they also vibrate at the right frequencies. Vibration attracts vibration. Can you see how smoothly we have moved from quantum physics to the law of attraction?
So how to create dream reality using energy and law of attraction?Manifest it!
Everything starts with a thought. Imagination and emotions play other roles in this show. Then you need to trust, believe it and let it go. Leave your intention in a hands of Universe, or in a in the infinite quantum field.
Think of what you want. Imagine it – create that picture, once it is created in your head it already exists as an option. Visualize! Then involve your emotions, that’s very important – try to feel what you would feel if you already had it. Create faith and trust that your intentions will be fulfilled.
You have to tune in to what you want to attract
Here we have one more interesting thing taken from quantum physics that sometimes the effect precedes the cause… mindblowing, isn’t ?). So you see why it is so vital to focus your energy on a effect, to ‘imagine the effect’.
Emotion – movement & energy – a key to your transformation
I mentioned that emotions are also energy that vibrates at different frequencies. It should be noted here, that this frequency varies depending on the emotions felt. Emotions like love, inspirations or gratitude has high frequency, lower frequency concerns all unpleasant emotions.
Emotional energy manifests in the body in the form of physical sensations. In this way energy affects the body. It’s very easy to observe – depending on what you feel at the moment, your body behaves differently. When you stressed or in fear, you can feel sensations in your stomach, your throat contracts and hands are sweating. This is your body response to certain emotions. And notice what happen when you experience a pleasure emotions – joy, love, enthusiasm – your body reacts, but in a different way. Now, learning how to control emotions can help you control what is happening in your body. You’ve heard a lot about how stress kills, right? This is not exaggerated. When we are stuck in low-frequency emotions for too long, our body reacts by self-destruction. Imagine, what would happen if you live in constant feeling of pure love, gratitude, abundance? You’ll transform on many levels.
Everything is energy and everything is connected – body, mind, universe…
According to dr. Joe Dispenza, who is known for his research on heart and mind coherence, we can have control over what our future will be like. In his books he introduce us to idea of quantum.
“Thoughts are the electrical charge in the quantum field, and feelings produce a magnetic charge in the quantum field. And how you think and how you feel broadcasts electromagnetic energy that influences every single atom in your life. The thought send the signal out and the feelings draws the experience back to you (…) “-J.Dispenza
Dispenza claims that all possibilities exist as electromagnetic potentials in the quantum field. It exists only as a frequency and energy to tune in to. You can do it by meditation.
As you can see, the law of attraction and self-fulfilling prophecy can be seen from more scientific perspective. Are they the same thing? They are not, because they are based on different theories. The law of attraction is more related to quantum physics, to the theory that our material reality is energy, that we, also our thoughts, are the energy that creates the electromagnetic field. Self-fulfilling prophecy is a psychological term. This theory is based on research that shows how our attitude influences the effect, we achieve it and what happens to us.
None of them is magic, unless we consider magic, a phenomena that we do not fully understand.
Have you ever found yourself wondering if you look good enough or if you properly dressed? Or what to say if someone ask you, what do you think about emigration crisis? Have you ever noticed that, before you do something, you consider how it will affect your image in the eyes of other people? Have you ever felt that this image is more valuable than real you, because there’s no chance that real you can be liked to the same extend?
Do you know what is one of the saddest things to me? These types of questions typed in google: what do guys like? How to be liked? What men attract women? How to make people laugh? In fact, they all come down to one question: How should I be? You tube ‘psychologists’ often try to answer this question, while they advise you on how to be charismatic, and what perfumes choose to match your personality. More sadly, many people fall for it. The truth is that there is no such a thing as perfect formula by which you will learn what the best business idea is, how to write a bestseller, or how to make every guy fall in love with you.
The fact that we try to find ourselves in the expectations of other people is associated with the way we are brought up. Not only by parents, but by society. Even if we think that we are free from any of conventions or patterns of behavior, some part of us has already been programmed. Some part of us want to fit. Everywhere.
Now, don’t get me wrong – of course need to belong is natural part of us being humans, is absolutely natural and according to social psychology it condition many human behaviors. Writing about it I do not mean a sense of social identity or a healthy sense of belonging to certain groups. There’s a difference between fitting in and belonging.
What I mean here, are situations that are beyond common sense. Situations, where we force ourselves to live in specific split, because the face we show to the world is not our real face. We create some kind of avatar in order to be accepted. To fit it. But I tell you one thing – you’re not a piece of puzzle. You don’t need to fit it.
I worked in a perfumery some time ago, and do you know what the most common question people choosing fragrances was? It was: What’s popular? To me, a perfume freak, it was inconceivable! It was like – fuck my taste, fuck what I might like – let’s buy something trendy, what everyone likes! Sadly, it can be an allegory about other areas of our lives.
Have you heard about bandwagon effect? It's a tendency people have to adopt a certain behavior, style, or attitude influenced by the pressure and norms exerted by groups.It can impact wide spectrum of human behaviors.
I’m sure we’ve all been there. I experienced it myself over many stages of my life. Sometimes I was too smart, sometimes I was too awkward, sometimes too shy, sometimes too ‘rude’. Among my close friends so often I felt too ‘dressed’, on the other hand, while I worked in beauty industry, I always felt too hippie.
I remember on my first make up job I was asked Which Kardashian is your favorite? Holy Shit, I had no idea there is more than one!
Does it mean that I don’t fit anywhere? No, rather that I’m unique human being. And yes, I still feel often that I stand out in many situations and contexts, with people and their perception of everything. And this is ok. It’s a pity that it took me so long to understand this.
Need of fitting in is sick. It does nothing but damage. The fact that each of us is different is the basis for individual development.
When I created my skincare brand, and went out there with all social media posts etc., one person told me that I have to change brand image, because it’s too dark, and not everyone will like it. Well, the thing is: I didn’t create it so everyone like it. I create it to fulfill my own vision and to express what I like and believe. Surely, it doesn’t sell in millions, but you know what? I have this great satisfaction that I created something real and I don’t mislead, in any way, people who buy my products.
It’s worth realizing that what’s good don’t have to please everyone.
This apply to everything – you can’t go out there and suit everyone. Instead, go inside and focus on what is real in you. Your inner self is the only individual that you have to get along with.
Do you also experience sometimes a feeling that at some point all self help publications are same? That it is not easy to find a valuable stuff among those medium quality articles wrote by copywriters? Are you fed up with all those self made coaching gurus out there? So I have one advice for you – get a cat!
Here’s how having a pets might change your perspective in terms of many things. And yes, I serve this post is with a grain of salt 😉
I. My cat doesn’t give a fuck.
As above, he just doesn’t. You trying to blandish, get into grace, makes him like you? He literally doesn’t care. Not about things which doesn’t matter to him. He lives in his tailor made cat world where there is no space for worrying too much, or flatter others. He just doing his own business and that makes him happy. He doesn’t think what anyone might think, because – why bother?
II. My cat really doesn’t care if you like him or not.
Cats has this amazing attribute to be absolutely cut off from someone else’s opinion about them. If you like them – great, if not – whatever. They doesn’t care what you think about them. This is the most healthy approach that one can develop in life. To not be dependable from the visions of others about you. To not get upset if you won’t fit into someone’s else idea about what is great, and what is not.
Lots of us have tendency to people-please, to putting others first, which leaves us open to being taken advantage of while we chase acceptance. In this case, it’s really hard to build a healthy relationship with yourself, and others. I think the most important thing is to learn to like yourself – you are the only person which favor you should care about.
III. My cat puts his needs first.
He does what he needs most at the moment. If it comes to play, rest, food (especially food…) he satisfies his needs because he knows that they are important. Is that simple.
More than that, he really understand his needs. It’s not like with majority of humans, that they doesn’t know what they want. He knows. He want. He get it.
He’s not afraid to ask for what he need.
Even if we think about basic, simple needs that we all have, it is surprising that even they are not fulfilled. Let’s take sleep as a example – when was the last time you slept, so that you woke up fresh like a newborn baby? Admit it, how often do you cut your sleep time to do something ‘more important’? How does this apply to other aspects of your life – whether you are eating the way you should, or are you just throwing anything in, so that you don’t feel hungry? Do you allow yourself to rest whenever you need it, or is it luxury in your busy life?
Maybe next time when you feel bit overwhelmed think: what cat would do?
IV. My cat is not afraid to show feelings.
And I mean all spectrum of feelings from deep anger to irresistible love. If he’s mad he will show you that, if he doesn’t like something he will not pretend otherwise. Also, he will show you that he was missing you. He’s not afraid to show love – unlike people, he is not afraid that this may be seen as a weakness.
To remain mentally and emotionally healthy we need to know how to recognize our emotions, and how to deal with them. Ignoring our emotional health makes life easier in the short term. Ignoring feelings, especially those unpleasant, will not make them disappear. It’s like garbage swept under the carpet – you can’t see them but they are there.
V. My cat knows that happiness is based on the joy of small things.
Cats brings mindfulness to the level which probably will never be available to people. The joy of the moment, devoided of any background, unnecessary things and thoughts. Have you ever been so happy about some small thing, like a cat who found this super cool fuzz under bed to play with?
If we do not learn to find joy in these small moments, we will never learn to be truly happy. Life consists of such small things like walk in the sun, favorite tea, extra portion of jam in your doughnut, smile of a stranger on the street, a compliment about the work you’ve done, small talk with a friend, a wonderful dream you were dreaming, great book you read in bed…Bigger things comes always after that.
I’ve heard somewhere that the reason we love cats so much is because they’re the cutest motherfuckers on the earth. To find more reasons to love them watch this:
Have you ever wondered what your life will look like in five, ten years? And do you remember that version of yourself from a few years ago, who wondered what it’s gonna be like in the future? What would you think of the person you are now, seeing yourself through the eyes of five or ten years younger you?
Most of us, unfortunately, would not be happy, and certainly there would be those whose such self-image would fill with horror. Why is it happening so often that we becoming someone we did not want to become?
Sometimes, despite being stuck in a situation that doesn’t suit us, we are not able to even change the state we are in. We forgetting about the dreams we once had, and we are not believing anymore that we can ever make them come true. We loosing ourselves in boring everyday life, we postponing life for later. As a result, we are not who we really would like to be, and we don’t do what we would like to do.
Have you ever experienced such a feelings? If you say yes, you know very well how much it sucks. And how difficult is to break free from it. However, it doesn’t mean that the changes are impossible, but before you try to make them, first try to find out why you stuck in this personal shit hole.
Once you realize what holds you back, you will be able to create and implement a dream vision of your life. And of yourself, because your life is reflection of what is happening inside you.
You are waiting for something that will happen by itself
Don’t we all waiting for some miracles? But you know what? Nothing will happen by itself! You don’t live in a fairy tale in which beautiful prince will come to save you and make you happy for the rest of your life. You are also not the lucky one from an old movie, where someone might notice your great talent and make you famous and rich. The only fairy you can count on in your life is YOU!
To get anything from life, you first have to give something of yourself. Perhaps some dedication, attention, time, patience and perseverance.
It depends only on you how your life will go. If you have a dream based on your passion, devote yourself one hundred percent to it, and it will definitely pay off. What is the thing that you really want to do? If you already know, I have one simple piece of advice: DO IT! Even if you have to start small and uncomfortable. Everyone started somewhere.
Lack of motivation and bad habits
Finding motivation is not easy, and maintaining it at the same level seems impossible at all. That is why it’s very important to develop proper habits. Achieving goals (we can also call them dreams) often requires tedious work, effort, dedication and time. Successful people go through this difficult path because they can control themselves. Self-discipline is the key. It might seems too simple, but just think about it: if you were able to control yourself to such an extent that every day, but absolutely every day, you would do the tasks you set for yourself (it could be anything: learning a language, training, playing the guitar, learning how to draw, programming, singing etc.), how far would you be today? By devoting some part of the time every day (or almost every day) and being systematic we are able to bring almost any skill to the master level. We just need to control our desire to switch to Netflix + pizza mode, which is not an easy matter.
Two deadly “P”
Procrastination and perfectionism are two words that you will have to cross out from your dictionary. Forever.
Procrastination, that is tendency to postpone everything, is the killer of our dreams. Be honest with yourself, how often you use a phrase that you’ll do something ‘another time’? Well, I will tell you one thing whatever your answer is. Too often. Another time is mythical land that doesn’t exist, is a cold space where dreams die. Another time it won’t be better, easier or otherwise. Another time there will be less time to do, what you can do now.
Next hideous ‘P’ is perfectionism, which often destroys our effort from the very beginning. When we start doing something, it is obvious that we are not perfect at it, and the awareness of it may deprive us of the motivation to try at all. We are not perfect even when we do something for a long time, and it does not mean that we do not do it right.
As Sheryl Sandberg said Done is better than perfect. You don’t need to be perfect to be great. You can achieve amazing things by being wonderfully imperfect. And this way is more fun too. It’s totally enough if you’re becoming better than yesterday, wherein you compete only with yourself, not with someone else.
Look at people who are successful in the field in which you would also like to do something, they are not perfect in what they do. Many great musicians having bumps on the stage, many writers creates things that are not always worth the Nobel prize, many active actors have a failed role in their achievements. None of them are perfect, but each of them is great. You can be too.
You are tired of life
You get up very early so you don’t won’t be late for work. Work you don’t like. You are in too much of a hurry to enjoy your morning coffee, and you quickly swallow breakfast, so that you “don’t waste” too much time – a time you want to use to do things that you don’t enjoy anyway. At work, you count the hours to the end. Returning home, instead of thinking about a free afternoon / evening, you think about all that you MUST do. Shopping, supplies, cooking, washing, setting up the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, replying to e-mails, calling the bank … over and over again. Well, to feel a bit better, please realize that you don’t have to do anything! Think in terms of choice rather than coercion.
If you’re burned out you don’t have the strength or even the desire to fulfill your dreams and goals. If you are tired, let it go and just relax. In the multitude of obligations that we often impose ourselves, it is very easy to lose a healthy approach to life. If you do not vacuum the apartment once, but instead you’ll be lounging in a hot bath reading the most inspirational novel, will something bad happen?
The above thoughts are the harvest of the fights with my own inner lazy demons, and it doesn’t mean that I won the fight. Sometimes I win, sometimes I loose. The fight is still going on. You know what helps me to keep going? To refresh my dreams from time to time, so I’ll never forget what I’m standing for.
I bet you know this kind of people (they are not uncommon) – those who have an excuse for everything. Those who are super talented, but the world underestimated their genius. Those who are so special, but the rest of the people does not recognize their uniqueness. Those, who could not fully develop because of inappropriate parents, mean teachers, nomenclature, circumstances, lack of money and connections…They live in their imaginary bubble as a tragic unfulfilled victims of unjust world.
That’s all bullshit. Do you know why? Because the only things that matter are effects.
Nobody will ever care that you were born with the ability of singing on a six-point scale (because that’s what the music teacher said when you were 10) if you don’t start doing something to use it. Nobody will ever care that you have had this amazing writing talent, and possibly to become a new Proust of your generation. You know why? Because you never dare to write anything more than a school essay or a facebook post! Same, nobody gives a shit that if you trained hard enough, you could become a great athlete, or if you spend more time on your drawing, you could become well paid artist.
No one cares about unused talent.NO ONE. SERIOUSLY.
Do you often see such people, mostly your age or slightly older, they can talk for hours over a drink about what they could achieve in life. How special they were. They criticize a song on the radio because they would play this riff better (but they don’t play, and they never will). They say in drunken manner: If only you could hear me playing the guitar in college, with such talent I could play in a band! Yes. You could. But you didn’t. Same like you didn’t write that amazing novel which would be better than anything Gaiman wrote. Or like you’ve never started that business – you know, the one you like to talk about for last five years – that unique idea which you came up with because you are more inventive than others.
What count is what you did, not what you could do.
It’s very easy to become an ageing sad man. You know what’s not easy? Effort.
We all were born with special gifts and talents, but only successful ones put an effort into developing their talents.
Effort is not easy, hard work, commitment and uncomfortable choices are not easy. Spending evening hours finishing your first book chapter is not easy. But it is effective. Jogging in the rain while your flatmates drinking beer and watching Netflix is not easy, but this is the way which is effective if you want to take part in a marathon. What is easy? Saying that you could done all of this better, but circumstances were not favorable.
Probably such pathetic talks about ‘what undiscovered talent I am’ can improve mood for a moment. But life is not a movie in which we can wait for someone to discover us. Sorry for the brutal truth, but you need to make an effort, you need to work to actually get what you want. There is no genie in your life that will fulfill your wish in a split second. In fairness, it happened that one of my girlfriends married her dream’s millionaire, and thus her fairy tale came true. But if you think it happened all of a sudden and like in a fairy tale, you’re wrong – she had to date dozens of assholes before that 😉
Regret is probably one of the most destructive feelings, hence it is so easy to find excuses for everything we’ve fucked up. Or what we didn’t screw up because we didn’t even start doing it. We are creatures that are ruled by ego, so for our failures we most often blame everything else or the world around us. We don’t wanna feel that regret, because it’s awful! It’s so much better to feel like a victim of unjust circumstances. Still not great, but bit better. Because guilt for missed opportunities is the worst. If our life did not succeed, of course, we would prefer it was someone’s fault. If we have to be losers let’s be losers not by our own fault.
We decide what happens in our lives. We are responsible for our choices, for what we spend time and money on, for what kind of people we hang out. So decide for yourself that you never will be that person who moaning about who could he/she be if …(put an excuse here).
What are all the self-development blogs, books, vlogs, talks, methods used for, and why their popularity is still increasing? Why we are so crazy about the constant improvement of ourselves and everything around us? What is this holy grail of self-development? Well, in short, we want to be happy. Yeah, whatever that means. But really, what does it mean?
If you happened to experienced a sudden feeling of fullness, maybe while sitting in a cosy armchair reading a favourite magazine and sipping steaming tea, or while having super tasty lunch with your bestie, or maybe when you’ve forgotten about the whole world while playing with your pet, you might get the point of what real happiness is.
Happiness is not created of super epic stuff like conquering the world. It’s rather like seeing the wonder in every little thing. True happiness resides in the realm of small things.
I’m sure you’ve heard about blue zones determined so by Dan Buettner. In his research, he identified the longevity „hotspots” of the world. The zones are Okinawa in Japan, Sardinia, Nicoya in Costa Rica, Icaria in Greece and the Seventh-day Adventists in Loma Linda, California. People living in these places share not only longevity but also a great sense of happiness. You must be wondering what a great secret lies behind it. Well, the trick is to live simple. People from those places share common lifestyle characteristics. Simplifying we can bring them to a sense of community, balanced diet and awareness of spirituality. Buettner breaks it down to nine following points:
Moderate, regular physical activity
Having a life purpose
Controlling the level of stress
Moderate caloric intake
Moderate alcohol intake
Engagement in spirituality or religion
Engagement in family life and social life
I can almost hear you thinking Is this for real? How the hell this can have such a significant impact on an overall sense of happiness? Well, the answer to this is that happiness is a very simple thing. Simple, but not easy. Like lots of things in our life which are simple, but not easy. Let me break this down for you: if you wanna lose weight you know what to do – you need the right diet and a dose of regular exercise. We can agree that this is simple. But…is it easy? We all know the answer.
Small things lead to great happiness
It seems to me that everything starts in gratitude. Happiness begins when we realize that there are so many things that we should thank the Universe. How do I know? Because this is how I started my path to a better life. And you know what? Gratitude works, bitches.
Think, that there is somebody out there who is happy with less than you have. And think about all things you are grateful for, all the good things that happened to you, all amazing people you’ve met on your way, all chances that were given to you. And also think about all those opportunities and beautiful moments which are yet to come. Do not focus on all the material things you have, they are relevant, but not the most important. Of course, you should be grateful for them too, but turn your attention to what really matters. I’ve been getting rid of excess stuff for some time and I have to say that I feel good about it. I feel lighter. Still have many books, however those I know I won’t read again I donate to libraries. And perfumes, for which I have no excuse. But I won’t buy more. Promise.
My point is I do not own a lot of stuff. But I own lots of love for my boyfriend, my family, my pets and those few friends that I have. I own lots of joy with having a walk in the forest or with a glass of bordeaux in the evening. I own lots of passion for my favourite books, music, movies, art, poems. I own lots of satisfaction with my writing and drawing. I own lots of beautiful memories of great moments and great people. I own lots of hope and faith, and I own an incredible amount of dreams and goals that I know will be fulfilled. It’s so little and so much at the same time.
I think having a goal is the basic driving force of everything.
To be happy you need to have a reason to get out of bed every day. This is another thing that people from the blue zone have in common – they never stop working, in a sense that they have bigger and smaller things to do. Everyday. Think about all those people, not only retirees, who lead aimless living filled at most with the waiting for the next episode of the TV series. Do you think they are happy? Well, how can you be happy being dead inside? Your goal, your mission is something personal, only you decide what it is. There’s no importance hierarchy here. For one it can be changing the world, for others creating something small but satisfying.
We are all here for various reasons and they all are important.